Page 86 of Ravage

The ones that are painted as villains by society.

It makes no sense, but the world rarely does. All I know is that I'd give my life to protect them. They already have my mind, body, and soul—they could take my life and I'd ask'was it good for you too?'

My feet stop moving as I stand in the middle of my bland room. Inhaling, I reach under my mattress for my cell, flipping it open.

Tears well up in my eyes when I see I have an unread text message from Theo, my fingers quickly hitting the keys to open it.

Theo: It's boring down here without you. Grey better have passed on my message otherwise I'll pin him down and tattoo your name across his forehead.

Laughing, a tear falls down my cheek. I quickly swipe it away, punching out a reply.

Avery: He's safe for now then. I love you too. Are you okay?

After I hit send, I decide I need to text Damon and let him know what happened. There's going to be some fallout from it that we need to prepare for. Or maybe there were warning signs there that I've missed that Damon can pull apart and examine.

I sit on the edge of the bed, leaning on my knees as I gather my thoughts. It's important that I jot it all down, but my mind is still frazzled by the events that I can barely think straight.

The whole thing only happened fifteen minutes ago, but it feels like a fever dream—bits are hazy and disorientated, while other parts are burned into my mind.

Avery: I got dragged to Whittingham's office after showers. Been assigned duty with Elsher for a week. He provoked me and I snapped… accidentally set his desk on fire. He said it's lucky Theo is in solitary confinement otherwise I'd be dragged there.

As I sit and wait for his reply, I listen to my shaky breaths. Hopefully I covered everything. No doubt I'll have to relay all this again tomorrow in person, but at least he knows what happened for now.

It's been dark for quite a while, so I assume Grey should be lurking the hallways soon. The thought brings a little comfort, but also a weight of sadness. He's so close, yet so far away.

I fucking hate this place.

The cell vibrates in my hand with a reply, and I quickly glance at it.

Damon: Fucking asshole is testing my patience. I'm with Grey—I'll fill him in. If that happens again, call me.

I curse myself. The one time I didn't take the cell with me because I was in the shower and this happens. He's right though—I need to keep it on me so I can contact them to listen. That damn cell is coming with me to Elsher's office. I don't trust him one bit.

Avery: I know, I'm sorry. I didn't take it to the showers because I thought I'd be safe.

His reply comes back quickly, and for the first time since my encounter with Whittingham, I forget about it for a second.

Damon: I'm picturing your naked body now.

The small gasp that falls from my mouth startles me. I re-read the simple sentence four more times until I compose myself enough to write back.

Avery: At least you got to feel it today.

Damon: Not enough though.

My mouth curves into a smile at the playful response. If I'm being honest, it wasn't enough for me either. I wasn't lying when I said he'd ruined my life—they all have.

But in the ruins, they are rebuilding me into something stronger. The old Avery is dead—she perished in the fire. And for a while, my ghost haunted these walls, going through the motions of each day, never really understanding how or when things got so bad.

Piece by piece, they put me back together. My flaws are no longer diminishing—they are loved and accepted. The parts of me I hated, I've grown to adapt.

And best of all, I finally forgive myself.

To the rest of the world, I was broken, and I blamed myself for it. I deserved the pain and agony, settled for less than what I needed to truly survive. But I forgive myself for it all. I'm not the person they painted me as. I forgive myself for taking all the abuse and hating myself when I should have pointed my finger at the true culprits.

Avery: It will never be enough. More is always better.

I sit and stare at the cell, waiting for a reply—but nothing comes. Minutes continue to tick by, the light in the room fading as the moon settles overhead casting shadows on the walls and plunging me into darkness. Eventually, I give up and decide to chase sleep, curling up into bed with the cell by my head.

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