Page 170 of Splintered Hearts

I don’t remember the drive over here or how fast it took my feet to walk up Mark’s driveway. All I want is what Jamie’s left here for me. All I want to know is what it could be and how Mark played a role in this. I knock on the door and Mark opens it, rolling his eyes. “You’re so damn predictable. Really?”

“Give it.” Mark stares at me a moment before turning back inside his home.

“I just want to state for the record how much I hate this.”

Hunter walks into the room, smiling. “He’s here for the letter, isn’t he?”

“No, he’s here to hang out.”

“Give me the letter.”

Mark doesn’t move until Hunter turns and runs back to the kitchen. “Traitor!”

Mark lunges after his boyfriend, grabbing the envelope and trying to wrestle it out of his hands. While Mark is taller, Hunter’s stronger and faster, keeping it out of his reach. Faking him out, he dodges, running around him to give me the letter. “Thank yew.”

“For the record, I’m against anything that happens going forward.”

“Stop making me want to do it more! That’s how we got into this mess.”

Opening the letter, I sit down.

I really hope Mark gives you this. Honestly, everything I have planned hereafter is ruined if he acts like a dick and doesn’t give this to you. That was one of the stipulations in winning you back. Grovel. I had to grovel, Noah. If nothing else tells you how much I love you, know that Mark made me get down on my hands and knees and beg him to let me do this. I may have kissed his shoes. I blacked out, though, so I don’t remember. I only ever want to be on my knees for one person for the rest of my life.

Once I gathered what little dignity I had left, I told him my plan to get you back. Plan sounds calculated but that’s what this is. A plan. A plan to show you just how much I love you, and if me groveling on my hands and knees before Mark doesn’t do the trick, how about this.

The first time I saw you I was already gone. Not love at first sight exactly, but I did recognize something in you. Something that felt so right. Something in your soul that mine needed. I didn’t want that party to happen, but I’m so glad it did.

That first night with you was the first night I started to drawagain since Luci died. After she passed, I couldn’t. Art was our thing and it was hard to pick up a pen, pencil, whatever. Even when I wanted to, my mind was blank and I couldn’t draw anything. Once I met you, I couldn’t stop, actually. I just kept picturing your face. Your eyes. The smiles and mischief in your eyes as you looked around my room. I was gone then.

Doomed, actually.

When you called me from Hunter’s phone I’d been lying awake for a while, unable to sleep. Then I heard your voice and it was like everything was okay again. I fell asleep after we hung up. After that I waited every night to be able to talk to you. I’d nap during the day, I wouldn’t smoke, I’d hold off on my pain medicine. Anything so I could be lucid and coherent, so I could talk to you.

The pain was worth it when the reward was you.

Okay, I’m back. I mean, you didn’t know I left but I had to take a break. I’ve cried so much it’s actually embarrassing. My therapist says crying is therapeutic but I don’t know, it feels like ass. My eyes have been permanently swollen. I haven’t slept. I’m tired all the time. I know I’m getting better, but better doesn’t feel better yet. Also, my wrist hurts from writing so much, but I’m almost done. There’s just one more.

Whenever you can.

Come home.

Please.

Even if it’s just one last time.

“I hate this.”

“I know.”

“This is a bad idea.”

“I know.”

“You’ve already made up your mind.” Looking up, I nod. “If he hurts you again, I’m going to hurt him worse, Noah. I meanthat.”

I get up, grabbing Mark in a hug. From beyond him, Hunter watches me. “Thank you for letting me stay here, despite really not wanting to.” That makes Hunter laugh and he joins us. “I’m really sorry, and going forward I will be better about just dropping in.”

“Now, let’s not go too far.” Hunter gives me a hug, and when Mark joins us we stand like that, hugging each other tight. I really do have the best friends, but I meant what I said. We’re all growing up, and I have to give Mark and Hunter space. It’s quiet for a moment while I soak in their warmth.

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