Page 166 of Splintered Hearts

The tension snaps. Bri laughs. “I think I’m in love with him, actually.”

Noah grins at her before he looks at the plushie then to me. It’s now I realize I haven’t stopped looking at him. Not once. He’s gotten a haircut since the last time I saw him. “There’s plenty of food. Eat as much as you like,” our mother scolds. The air returns to the room as we put aside all the hurt feelings between us.

“Hey.” Noah steps out onto the porch. Xavi and Bri went home hours ago but I lingered here as Hunter and Mark helped Mom clean up. I don’t know where Noah has been, and I hadn’t had the balls to try and find him. My mother had shooed me away when I tried to help, and I understood it for what it was.

Find Noah and talk to him.

Only, I couldn’t. I’m scared. Now, here I am with the most incredible person I’ve ever met and I’m going to lose him. Sorry isn’t enough. Not even close. “So... family dinner is fun.”

I laugh. “It’s not usually so lively.” I let the quiet sink between us. I’m so used to keeping Noah in our little bubble that seeing him out like this feels weird. I miss him so bad. I want to grovel at his feet and get him back but that’s short-term shit.

Noah needs a man. A real man who will fight for him, not with him when shit gets hard. “How have you been?” he asks. My eyes lift and I just want to drown in his warmth.

“I’m . . .”Dying.“Okay.”

Noah smirks. “I almost believe you.” That makes me smile slightly. My heart squeezes in my chest. “How are you doing? Really.”

“Miserable.” I admit. “What Hunter said in there—”

“Was kind of accurate, huh? I tend to do all that.” He sighs. “I give attention to men who don’t deserve it in hopes they like me.” He sucks his teeth. “You were different from the start. I don’t care what he thinks. I want you to know that. I just wanted to be around you and couldn’t explain it. You were funny and sweet and all the things you don’t believe you’re capable of.”

“You—”

“Wait. Okay. Just let me get this out.” He takes a deep breath and I already know where this is going by the sad set of his eyes. “I love you so much.” Joy fills my stomach only to be crushed a second later. “But I’ve been thinking a lot these last few weeks.” Noah tucks his hands under his arms, hugging his body. “I’m trying to figure out the things I need and the things I want and how to get them. I want someone to love me. Me. Not because of what I do for them or to them. I’m tired of giving pieces of myself to people who never put them back when they’re done. That’s what it’s been like Jamie.”

“Noah—”

“I love being that person you lean on. I do. It’s honestly one of my favorite things. When you give me the weight you’re carrying it means you trust me enough to hold it for you.” He sighs. “It gets heavy though. I just need someone who can also carry my weight. Someone who can love me just as much as I love them. While I love helping you, you also need to learn how to carry that weight yourself and not turn around and weaponize it to hurt people who love you. I can’t teach you that. You need to learn that on your own.”

“Noah, I’m not... I don’t know what—” Fuck, I can’t form a thought.

Noah walks over to me bracing a hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “I love taking care of you, but at the end of the day, who’s taking care of me? I want a partner, not a responsibility.” A board creaks, making me flinch out of Noah’s touch.

“Hey.” Hunter looks awkwardly between us. “Sorry. Just wanted to know if you want a ride home?”

Thinking a moment, I nod. I’m still not comfortable in cars—not even a little. The taxi I took over here freaked both me and the driver out. I’m done traumatizing strangers for the day.

“Where are you staying?”

“With them.” Noah looks back at Hunter and Mark. “Just for a few more days, though. I uh... I think I found a place. I’m going over to finalize things Wednesday, then I can move in.” If I still have any pieces of my heart intact, they shatter. “I think it’s for the best.” No, this is all wrong. This isn’t supposed to happen.

What the fuck is happening? Noah belongs with me... Noah, he... looks at me with a watery smile and I know it’s over. That’s it. I fucked up and now I have to live with this.

Again.

Before I can even open my mouth to say anything Noah crouches down to my level. I can’t help myself, reaching for hisface, pulling his forehead against mine. “I want you to know this is not easy for me.” His voice is soft and my vision blurs. My eyes burn.

Any restraint on my emotions snaps. Fuck, I’m crying way too damn much lately. “I know.”

“I need to do what’s best for me. Maybe for us both.” All I do is make everyone’s lives worse. I ruin everything and everyone. They’ll all leave. All of them.

“I love you so much.”

He kisses the side of my face and I feel like I’m sinking. “Bye, Jamie.”

His footsteps retreat fast and I’m left with a throbbing hole in my chest. “Holy shit.” Taking a breath I try to stop the tears but I’m unable to. I see feet again but this time they belong to Hunter. Mark hovers close, probably gloating his ass off.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was coming. He wasn’t sure earlier.”

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