Page 14 of Splintered Hearts

“He’s closing tomorrow so he can come.”

“How’s it going?” It seems like Sawyer is constantly busy.

“He tells me good, but I don’t know. I feel like there’s something more happening. You know he doesn’t like to ask for help. I’m bringing Noah too, and Mark, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Xavi and I say.

“The best friend?” Xavi asks.

“Yeah, he needs to get the fuck out of the house. Being around other people will be good, for everyone.” Hunter turns to face me. “Which means some of us need to be nice tonight.”

“What the fuck do you think I’m going to do to him?” Seriously, why does everyone expect the worst from me—ah, ok, fair. It’s not like I try to be an asshole, though. Things just become a lot sometimes, and the box in my mind bursts open and I say shit I don’t mean. “I’ll be nice.”Ish.

“You know you’ll always be my favorite. We can still have sleepovers. Oh! We can wear matching pajamas... face masks. Eat ice cream! It’ll be so much fun.” Hunter tries to cheer me up.

“I am sad I’ll have to find a new way to pay my bills.”

“It’s not like your landlord will kick you out.” No, Mom wouldn’t, even when she should. “Aren’t you a little happy for me?”

Well, now I feel like shit. It isn’t that I’m not happy, it’s just that change is hard. Which is weird, because I went through hundreds of changes growing up. Maybe that’s why. Who knows? “I am happy I don’t have to listen to Mark screaming at the top of his lungs when you fuck him. It doesn’t sound like he enjoys what you do to him.”

“Oh, he enjoys what I do to him.” Hunter smirks.

“Gross!” Xavi’s face twists.

“Oh, grow up.”

“You wouldn’t like to know all the awesome kinky shit I do to girls!”

“You’d have to stop fantasizing about Brianna long enough to do said kinky shit.” A pillow flies through the air, and Hunter knocks it out of the way with the hand not nursing a beer.

Xavi and Hunter play fight, throwing harmless objects and words. Hunter’s words to me hit home, though. Of course I’m happy for him. It’s just, everyone is moving on with their lives, and I’m... I’m... here.

“I need to go home and change.” Hunter sets his drink down after barely taking a sip, but our eyes connect and understanding hits him. “I just took one sip. Just one, I promise.” He hands me the beer and I can feel that it’s heavy. I know I didn’t seen him drink much.

Still, anxiety webs my lungs. “I’ll drop him off.” Xavier smiles, stepping between us. “I have to run home anyway.”

Hunter ignores him, looking at me. “Jamie.” I drag my gaze up. “You know I would never drink and drive. I barely took a couple of sips. I’m going to put it in the fridge for later, okay?”

Feeling numb, all I can do is swallow. “Okay.”

“You want help painting tomorrow?”

I see it for its distraction, but I don’t want to fight. I take the bait instead. “If you don’t mind.”

“How’s it going?”

“It needs a couple of coats.” I’m surprised I even told them what I’ve been doing. It started with a dream I had a week ago—a rare dream that didn’t morph into a nightmare. Painting shouldn’t feel like a win, but damn, it does.

When she disappeared, so did my will to create anything.

My love of art and her.

Both things died the same night.

“Are you drawing again?”

“No.” That’s the truth. Not yet. “I was thinking of doing a tasteful pin-up of Bria—ah!” Clutching my balls, I fall forward onto the deck. “What the fuck!”

---