Page 150 of Splintered Hearts

“How can you say that?”

“Look, you can stay here. That’s fine. It’s your house too. I just... we can’t do this anymore. I was wrong. I don’t want arelationship.” Heat prickles behind my eyes. This isn’t fucking happening.

“You’re an asshole.” Turning toward my room, I slam the door, unable to breathe. Grabbing my phone with shaky hands I hit Mark’s name. How the fuck did this happen? Jamie told me he loved me last night. How has he completely changed his mind?

I’m not sure what’s happening but I know I can’t stay here.

Finally Mark picks up. “If you’re calling to tell me how many times you came this weekend, don’t bother. I just ate.”

“Can I come over?” I sniff, trying so damn hard to keep it together.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need—” I can’t hold it together any longer. “I need you. I’m so sorry, I just—” Choking back a sob, I press my hand to my mouth.

“I’m coming now. I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“No! I’m coming to you.”

“Did he hurt you? I swear to god!”

“Not... I mean. Yeah.” Fully crying now, I’m glad my bag is still packed from the trip. I can always wash my clothes at Mark’s. “I’m coming now.”

“Please be careful.”

“What’s wrong?” I hear in the background. Mark says something but it’s muffled through the phone.

“I’m leaving now.” Hanging up, I take a deep breath but it does shit all to stop the tears. I grab a few other things I want before stuffing them into a bag. My suitcase from the trip is still filled with clothing.

Walking into the living room, I see Jamie sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looks up as I come into the room. “This is it?”

“I’ve said what I need to.”

I can’t fucking believe this shit. Dropping my bag on the floor,hurt and pain burn so fucking bright inside me. “I’m staying at Mark’s. Do you have anything else you want to say to me?” I don’t know why I’m stalling. Maybe I’m waiting for him to say it was a joke with the worlds worst punchline ever.

As soon as Jamie looks up, I know I’m not that lucky.

Thirty Seven

Jamie

Everything is swimming and swirling. I can’t focus on anything except breathing. My mind is a cyclone of thoughts.

You’re a worthless piece of shit.

All you’ll do is hurt him. You hurt everyone.

You deserve to rot like she is.

Everything Ari said just echoed my own thoughts. She’s fucking right. How can I keep someone happy, especially someone like Noah? There’s no way. Noah may hurt now but he’ll see eventually. Maybe one day he’ll even thank me.

I’m nothing—less than nothing.

I’m a shitty boyfriend, friend, brother, and artist. I’m no one and Noah is the brightest fucking star to exist. All I’ll do is smother that light. “I said what I need to.” Focusing on my shoes and not the red-tinged green eyes I love more than anything, I just need him to leave. I’m barely holding it together.

“You’re lying. I know you are. Talk to me.”

Pain lances my chest. Of course he doesn’t believe me. Noah knows me better than anyone. “Just leave, okay. We can figure out the living arrangements later, but right now I think space is good.”

---