Page 128 of Splintered Hearts

“I could have forced you to record it.”

“You know, I’m trying really hard not to get you implicated in a murder. Why are you being so difficult?”

“Or...” Bowen gets off the bed and tosses me my underwear. “And hear me out. You just tell me what’s wrong.” Bowen rolls the condom off my dick, tossing it toward the little wastebasket. Coming over to the side of the bed he pats my soft cock. “There, there. It happens to the best of us.” I smack his hand away.

Cupping my dick, I glare. “Don’t talk to him! He doesn’t deserve your pity.” Bowen laughs, pulling his boxers on as I let go of my embarrassment, get up quickly, and slip my own underwear on.

“Is it me?”

“No. No. Oh my god, no. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m a fucking mess. I’m sorry.” Why did I do this? Why did I think this would solve anything? Stupid! I always do this shit. I just want to forget the other night. I want to forget the way Jamie looked, the way he held me, the way he made me feel so many things I’ve never felt before.

“What happened?”

“I’m embarrassed.”

“Well...” Bowen leans back on his bed, throwing his hands behind his head. “What if I were to tell you something first? Kind of like a confessional. Sex-fessional.”

Getting onto the bed, I roll onto my side to face him. “I’m listening.”

“My best friend went to hook up with someone he met on a dating app. We were supposed to hang out tonight, but he wentto do that instead. I mean, I told him he could so I can’t be mad, but it hurt when he left me. I wanted him to choose to stay with me because I’m in love with him. I’ve been in love with him basically since high school—maybe even before that, before I even knew what love was. I just wanted to find someone to distract me. I’m sorry.”

Shame hits Bowen’s face while I can’t help but smile at the admission. “Well, not to one-up you at all but I have a confession too.”

“What’s that?”

So I tell him. I start with my father kicking me out, to meeting Jamie, to the phone sex, to the late-night talks. To moving in and everything after, all up until the other night when Jamie had taken a piece of me I was never going to get back. “So don’t feel bad. Like, at all.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Roommates are assholes.”

“Absolutely.”

Bowen’s head turns to mine. “We are so fucked, huh?”

“Yes we are.”

“Glad to know it wasn’t me personally.”

“I would have got there.” I glare.

“Thought I was going to have to top you for a second.”

“Excuse me, topping is an art form, okay? Not everyone can just jump into the deep end. Literally.” That makes Bowen smile.

“Can I tell you what I think?” I nod and Bowen moves a little closer to me, pulling me in against his body in a hug. Fingers run through my hair and I close my eyes at the comfort. “I think that he does care about you, but something is holding him back. I don’t know what it is.”

“Does your best friend know you love him?”

It’s quiet for a moment but I don’t lose the soft caress of hisfingers through my hair. “We hooked up for the first time a couple of weeks ago and everything’s been weird since. Before that, no, I don’t think he knew. But now he knows and—” His chest rises. “He still doesn’t want me. He said it was a mistake.”

“That’s hard.”

“I was okay before, you know. He only liked girls, and I could always leave it at that. It’s not me; he’s just straight. Now, though, since we messed around, it’s like knowing for sure. It’s not because I’m a guy; it’s because I’m me.”

“Well, he’s missing out. You’re awesome.”

---