Page 74 of Splintered Hearts

Hunter shakes his head. “I’m just saying. I don’t think this is a good idea. He’s not some sex toy, he’s a real person, okay? I know somewhere deep down, he wants a real boyfriend.”

“No, he doesn’t. Noah’s fine. We have fun.” There’s no way Noah would do anything he doesn’t want to do with me. Most of the time he initiates it.

“Whatever. I’m just saying, I know him better than you do. Just keep in mind, Noah deserves a boyfriend. He deserves something real, and unless you’re ready for that I wouldn’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to him.”

The front door opens as I set up our dinner. I don’t mind at all being the one to cook, after seeing Noah attempt to make scrambled eggs the other morning which resulted in burnt eggs and a ruined pan. “Hey,” Noah says, coming into the kitchen and placing his book bag down. Eyeing it, I know it’s full again. I need to hurry with that shelf. I only got the base coat done today.

“Hungry?”

“Starving.” Noah’s arms wrap around my body, hugging me, before he presses a kiss against my shoulder blades. Hunter’s words from earlier come to mind. Noah doesn’t want a relationship, right? This is just part of what we’re doing. We flirt, touch, but neither of us wants more.

I’m in no way able to give Noah anything more than this. I don’t even think Noah wants more. We hang out, blow each other, and that’s it.

Noah sinks into a chair, taking out the books he got. “You need to cut yourself off.”

“I need a shelf, that’s all.” It won’t fix the piles of books he hasstacked in his room but it will make a dent at least. Every Friday when Noah gets paid, we go online and look up titles, splitting the cost of the ones we buy, seeing as I’m enjoying this as much as he is.

Plating our food, I turn, sliding his bowl to him, when a piece of paper catches my eye. “What’s that?”

“Huh?” Noah moans around a mouthful. “Oh my god,” he whines. “You’re so good at cooking! What is this?”

“It’s just a dumpling soup.”

“It’s amazing.” Noah eats happily but my eyes go to the paper. Ben? Who’s Ben? “This?” Noah grabs it, shaking his head. “Some guy keeps hitting on me at the library.”What?“I told him I lost his number so he insisted on giving me another one tonight. Oh! Here.” Noah reaches into his bag and hands me a book. One of the ones we picked out last week. “It’s so good. I know you’ll love it.”

Taking the book, I can’t stop looking at the piece of paper. “He cute?”

“Huh?”

“The guy who wants to go out?”

“Um, I guess. Kind of? Why?”

Hunter was right, Noah wants a relationship. Even if he won’t admit it. Even if it isn’t with me. I’m holding him back and in no shape to be with someone. Jealousy hits me like a truck, but I swallow it. I bet whoever this guy is could give him more. Or lead him on the path to find more. What we’re doing is pointless. “You should go out with him.”

“Why?” His face pinches and I almost laugh at how adorable it is.

“You want a relationship, right?” I shrug, needing to get some space for a little while. “Won’t know until you give it a shot.”

“I don’t . . . I mean—”

“I think you should go for it.” What the hell am I doing? I can’tdo this with Noah. He deserves better. He deserves to be loved and pampered, and I am not the person who can do it. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth. Noah needs to find someone else, and as much as it hurts I have to make that clear.

“Jamie what’s wrong—”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Grabbing the book off the table, I thank him. I have to get out of here. “I’m going to start this now.”

“You’re sleeping in your room?”

“Uh, yeah, I mean. It’s my room. I should probably stop sleeping so much in yours. You probably want your space back.”

“Jamie, I don’t have to call him, it’s okay. I’m not really interested.”

“You won’t know until you give him a shot, right? Go for it. It’s not like we’re together.”

Nineteen

Noah

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