Page 111 of Splintered Hearts

“Life in prison.” Jamie’s eyes darken. “Chained up to my bed. Most likely naked. Never allowed to leave.”

“Ah, that’ll get really awkward when I need to use the bathroom.”

Shaking his head, he pops the lid off the jar and empties it into a pan. “You always have to ruin my fantasies with reality.”

“It’s a talent.”

Jamie shakes his head, draining the pasta then resting it briefly in ice water, before transferring it to a clean bowl. “Two spoons.” He pours olive oil over the shells. “So they don’t stick.” Then taking one of the spoons, he starts to fill the shells and put them in the pan. It’s a monotonous rhythm that’s comforting.

“Can I ask something, about your birth mom?”

That makes him freeze and look at me. “What do you want to know?”

Carefully placing stuffed shells in a pan, I don’t feel afraid, I just don’t want to upset him. “What happened? How did you get taken and put into foster care?”

“Damn, that is a question.”

“You don’t have to answer. I was just curious.”

Jamie’s lip quirks. “Of course you were, little fox.” Jamie letsme fill the shells while he watches my hands, and surprisingly, he answers me. “The first time I can remember my birth mother hurting me was when I was like three or four. I assume it happened before that. We were at a store, I remember, and I knocked something over and it broke. She whipped me with this stick she had, on the backs of my thighs, when we got home. I remember how shocked I was and how much it hurt.

“I was careful. Sometimes, things I would do would set her off; other times, it was just random. Taking a nap. Coming home from someplace. Watching TV. It was like a rage that fell over her. I got really good at hiding the welts and bruises. There was a period of time she was putting her cigarettes out on my arm but then she got a call from the school. Nothing came of it, though. There were some times when I wouldn’t eat for days, and I think the only reason she fed me when she did was so I wouldn’t get too skinny, and people would notice. I was eight, I think—or nine—though, when that changed and someone noticed. The night before, I’d accidentally burned the dinner I was making for myself, and she beat me so hard I couldn’t sit down. I missed school for one day, but when I went back the day after, I still couldn’t move well.” Jamie stops abruptly, placing another shell into the pan and stepping back.

“You alright?”

“Just a minute.” I set my spoon down, looping my arms around his waist before laying my head against his chest. Jamie wraps his arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head. I don’t want to move from this spot, wrapped in his arms and scent. A calm washes over me. “I don’t talk about this stuff.”

“To anyone?” Hearing his heart beneath my ear, I close my eyes and listen to the steady thrum.

“Not details, no.”

Pulling my ear off his chest, I look up at him. “You don’t have to continue.”

Pressing his lips between my eyes, Jamie pulls out of my hold and goes back to the stove. “It’s okay. I want to tell you.”

Something lights up behind my rib cage. “Would you like to ask me a fun question before you continue?”

“Yes.” Jamie stirs the sauce before going back to stuffing the shells. “Can it be dirty?”

“It better be dirty.”

Thinking a moment, Jamie grins. “What is a place you’d like to have sex?”

“I have a fuck-it list.”

“A fuck-it list?”

“Yes. A list of places and situations I want to be fucked in.”

“Really. And how many have you checked off?”

All my humor dies with the truth I’m about to tell him. “None.”

Looking confused, he finishes up stuffing the shells. “How?”

“I, uh... I want to save it for the person I end up with. When I start marking things off, I want it to be with my person. It’s something I want to share. Keep it fun and interesting.”

“I have no doubt you’ll keep your boyfriend entertained.” He may as well have punched me. I want him to want to be that person, but I have to understand that it just won’t be. Jamie doesn’t want long-term. This is friends with benefits... that’s all. “Can you tell me one of the places?”

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