Page 62 of Choosing the right Man

“I’m sad... but also relieved. We both know this should’ve happened a long time ago, even if it’s terrible.”

“I know,” I say. “I’m sad and relieved too.”

For a moment we both sit facing each other, neither looking at the other. The weight of what we’re doing is sinking in. We’ve been together for ten years. That’s ten years of inside jokes, of vacations, of fighting and making up, of shared meals and long walks. It’s ten years where I grew from a child to a woman. It’s been ten years of being with the same person. And now, it’s over with a few words spoken.

Paul stands and I look at him, fighting panic. Is he going to walk away now without a goodbye? Is this really our last moment together? I look up and see tears in his eyes, which makes more tears fall down my cheeks. He moves across the room, then holds out his hand. I place mine in his, and he pulls me up. I don’t fight him as he pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me.

I sob as I snuggle against his chest. He holds me for the last time. He sniffles and I think he’s crying too, but I don’t look at his face. It’s too painful. I’m not sure how long we stand like this, holding each other. Eventually, he lets me go and takes a step back. He touches my chin as he gazes at me for a moment. Then he takes in a deep breath and his eyes clear. He gives me the barest hint of a smile.

“I hope the world hands you everything you’ve ever wanted,” he whispers. “It’s time for me to go now.”

“I hope the same for you,” I say, my chin shaking, my body barely able to keep me on my feet.

He moves over to the corner and picks up his jacket, slipping it on. He walks out of the living room and comes back a minute later with his bag. It must’ve already been packed for his trip. He gazes at me for one more moment.

“I’m sorry, Chloe.” There’s so much more to these words than an apology. I don’t want to know what he’s sorry about.

“I’m sorry too, Paul,” I tell him, meaning it. I don’t want him to know I betrayed him before we ended, I want him to think of me as the innocent young woman he met ten years ago, the girl he fell in love with, not the woman I’ve become. Just as I want to think of him as the man in love with me, not the man who most likely has fallen for another. We’ve each betrayed the other. That will have to be something we suffer about internally.

He nods, turns, and walks from the house. The final click of the door starts my tears all over again. The silence of the house is overwhelming. It suddenly feels too big, too empty. I fall onto the couch and pull my knees up, hugging them. I look around at the pictures on the wall, at all of the things we collected together, all of the things that made this our home. I don’t want any of it. I can’t even begin to think about packing right now. I meant what I said, I don’t want any of it... except for my clothes and art. I don’t want reminders of the life I’m walking away from.

I let more tears fall as I say goodbye to this home, to this life I wanted so badly at one time. I don’t know how much time passes, but eventually the tears stop. This was the hardest night, but it was necessary, and it was right. I won’t continue crying over the breakup. I’m already starting to heal.

As sad as this is, I feel... free. I’m free. I can move forward with my life now. This was the right decision. It took too long tohappen, but it was right, right for both of us. Yes, there’s grief at losing my friend, but there’s also hope for a bright future where I don’t feel unseen, where I don’t feel as if I’m stuck in quicksand.

I finally go to our room and lie down. It will be my last night in this bedroom I shared with Paul for years. Tomorrow, new adventures begin. We’ll see what the future holds.

Chapter Forty-One

Mason

Chloe asked me for a bit of time alone. It’s been difficult for me to give it to her. I’m not sure what it is about this woman, but I can’t stand not being with her. This has never happened to me before. It scared me in the beginning, but I finally accepted that I need her in my life.

I’ve changed a lot this past year. I haven’t liked all of the changes, but my mother sure as hell does. She says I’ve finally become the man my dad would be proud of. At first I was offended by this as I’ve done well to provide for our family. But money doesn’t matter if a person doesn’t have a soul. Maybe I’ve found who I am through this woman who was never supposed to mean anything to me.

It hasn’t been something big that’s made it happen, it’s been all of the small moments, the need to see her, to feel her, to talk to her. She’s become so much more than an obsession, she’s become everything to me. If I would’ve known it was happening, I would’ve stopped it. It snuck up on me, though, giving me no choice but to follow through on what this is.

Chloe moved in with Audrey a month ago and I see her at work, but not outside of it. I’ve watched her come to life this pastmonth. She no longer has guilt weighing her down, no longer has the burden of feeling like she’s doing something wrong and hurting her beautiful heart.

I wish we hadn’t begun this way, wish this wasn’t hanging over our heads. Had I known this would last, I never would’ve started how we began. I never wanted a relationship to last before, though, so a quick affair didn’t feel wrong to me.

I’m ready to show her who I truly am now, though. I’ve given her enough time. I sent her a message, telling her to meet me in the parking garage at six tonight. I watch the clock as it ticks away.

She’s been in the gym for the past hour. It was hard for me not to join her. But our next conversation needs to be outside of this building. I don’t want our relationship hidden anymore. I want to push forward. No more secrets, no more lies. She’s going to learn who I really am, something I’ve never shared with any other woman.

I arrive in the garage and wait for her. She’s a few minutes late, but shows up with wet hair from a shower, wearing a nervous smile on her lips.

“Hi, Mason,” she says, seeming unsure of what she’s supposed to do.

“Hello, beautiful,” I whisper, in awe that this woman is mine. I’ve changed so much with her in my life. I like this new man I’ve become. It really is true that the right partner at your side makes you a better person.

She moves closer, and I can no longer control it. I haven’t touched her in a month. I pull her into my arms and hold her. She trembles as her hands wrap around me and she squeezes me back.

“I’m sorry I pulled back so much,” she says, tears in her voice.

“You needed to do it for yourself,” I tell her. She nods against my chest. We stand together for several moments before she steps back.

“What are we doing tonight?” she asks. She wipes her cheek as her tears fade.

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