Page 60 of Choosing the right Man

I can’t continue walking this tightrope. I can’t keep lying to Paul, to myself, to my friends. I have to stand up and do what’s right. I might lose everything I hold dear in my life, but if I don’t take a risk, it’s already lost to me.

Mason doesn’t rush me, doesn’t try to force me to bend to his will. He waits. I realize how difficult this is for a man who’s used to demanding everything, and always winning.

I’m no longer torn. I know my decision...

“I want to be with you, Mason,” I whisper. “I haven’t been fair through this. Both of us thought this was something different in the beginning. I thought I could hold on to both worlds. I haven’t been in love with my boyfriend for a very long time, but I do love him.” Mason grimaces, but he keeps looking at me, waiting for me to go on.

“I love him in a different way. I think I always have. I think he feels the same for me. We were friends, then we were lovers. We did what we thought we were supposed to do. We didn’t want to let the other go, but it wasn’t because we were deeply in love. It was because we were best friends. And then we were in too deep. If either of us told the other it was over, we’d lose the friendship, and we weren’t willing to do that.” Mason nods. He’s not happy, but he’s listening. It’s progress.

“But we’ve lost it anyway. By staying together, staying in a passionless relationship, we’ve both built resentments. And I committed the ultimate sin — I cheated.” I can’t stop tears from falling.

“Do you regret it?” he asks. There’s no judgment in his tone.

“No, I can’t regret being with you,” I say. “I should regret how I handled things, but I love this, and I can’t regret it. Thinking of losing you rips my soul apart. It hurts me to think of losing Paul, but in a different way,” I try to explain.

“Talk to me.”

“I can’t talk about that.”

“Yes, you can. I think maybe it’s time I share my past with you.” What he’s offering is a true gift. It’s precious and rare, and I don’t want to lose this opportunity to hear him.

“Paul has been in my life for ten years. He’s steady and reliable. He’s never treated me badly. When we were younger, it was all wonderful.” Mason winces as I say this, and a possessive light enters his eyes. To him I’m his alone, have never belonged to another. It isn’t easy for him to hear this, to hear it and not comment. But he simply clenches his fists where they rest on my thighs and waits for me to go on.

“But I think relationships evolve just as sex does. Young sex looks for nothing more than a quick orgasm. But as we get older, we learn what we like, what we need. If we’re with someone wetruly feel a connection with then sex becomes about so much more than just sex. It becomes otherworldly.”

I reach out and place my fingers against Mason’s tense jaw. I rub my thumb over his bottom lip. He nips me and I smile. It stings a little, but I deserve it.

“I’ve never felt that with Paul,” I assure him. “I’ve never felt a connection like I feel with you — not once in my life. I know this might not last. I know you have demons you might not be ready to face. I don’t care anymore. I’ll be here for you as long as you want me to be. That’s how much I... care.”

“I-I want to give you everything you need,” he says. I wonder if he wants to tell me he loves me, but isn’t able to. Maybe he never will.

I’m beginning to think that Mason and I are meant to be together. We tried to fight it and have likely broken many hearts in our selfish desire to have what we want, but in the end, we’re better off together than apart.

“I’ll tell him tonight,” I promise.

He nods as he stands, easily lifting me in his arms.

Our next chapter is about to begin. Now I need to know if I’m going to have an eternal fiery death or be that phoenix rising from the ashes of the life I’ve burned to the ground...

Chapter Forty

Chloe

I turn the key in the lock of my door, the familiar weight of it pressing into my palm like a relic from another life. I hesitate for a moment, then swing the door open, the familiar sound making me sad. This is going to be one of the last times I do this, one of the last nights I walk inside this house that’s been my home for eight years.

I set down my purse, then walk into the living room and find Paul sitting in the corner with his phone in his hand. I’m shocked he isn’t in his office. Maybe this is supposed to be the night we finally talk. He looks up, his face unreadable, but there’s something in his eyes that tells me he knows what’s coming.

Something else is as well, maybe a bit of guilt. We’re both carrying heavy burdens neither of us have been able to express. Why have we done this to each other? Will I ever know the answer to this question? I doubt it.

I’m standing in the room as he gazes at me. “Hello.”

“Hi,” he quietly says, his voice sounding resigned. He shifts in his seat.

I move farther into the room and take a deep breath. “We need to talk.” These are the hardest words I’ve ever said. The air is heavy between us.

Paul lets out a breath before rubbing his face. “I know.”

I nod my head, not sure how to begin this. We’ve been together for ten years, an entire decade. It hasn’t all been bad. The thought of dismantling this feels impossible. It’s why we’ve been living stagnant for a couple of years now. It’s like trying to undo a woven tapestry without unraveling each thread. But, we’ve already been unraveling this for years. We just haven’t acknowledged it.

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