Page 33 of Choosing the right Man

His actions confuse me. This is such a romantic gesture. But how am I to know what someone does when they want to sleep with another person? I’ve been with exactly one man my entire life.

Paul was the one to take my virginity, and I’ve never even considered sleeping with another man since being with him . . . not before Mason came along. Even those times Paul and I were on breaks, I couldn’t do it. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me now. Maybe I’m missing something.

I’m not the type of person to want something just because I haven’t had it before. I grew up in a simple life. I’ve earned everything since. I don’t covet what others have.

This is just a matter of me not knowing myself, not knowing what I want, what’s important to me. It has to be that. I don’t want to think of myself as a bad person. I want to believe in myself and my values.

I get dressed in my favorite work skirt and top, slip on my jacket, and do my hair and makeup. I’m stronger. I’m more confident in my work clothes, more stable. It reminds me that I love this job; I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. My coworkers are good people. A short fling with Mason isn’t worth losing all of this.

I have some coffee and a muffin that were left on my counter before I make my way downstairs. I’m meeting the team in a conference room on the basement floor of the hotel.

It’s a very nice area. Even though it’s below ground, the lighting is so perfect it doesn’t feel closed in. There’s nothing about this hotel I don’t like, not yet, at least.

I’m the last to arrive besides Mason, who I don’t think is coming. As the most junior employee I feel a little guilty about this. I look at the clock showing I’m fifteen minutes early, but I still feel guilty. Maybe I need to be thirty minutes early tomorrow.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dell says, seeming far too perky for a man who was drinking and gambling last night.

“Morning,” I reply. He must notice the confusion on my face.

“I won a thousand dollars last night. Mason was wrong in saying that the house always wins.” He smiles smugly. “I’m definitely a winner.”

“Good for you,” I say. His enthusiasm is contagious.

“How did you sleep? As much as you were wobbling last night, I thought for sure you’d be walking in here wearing dark sunglasses and complaining about every little sound,” Dell says. He passes a cup full of cash to Jenny. She grins at me.

“I had total confidence you were a class act and would be just as perky as you normally are,” Jenny says as she pulls out the money and begins counting. “And I won.”

“Won what?” I ask.

“Oh, we were betting on the new girl. I thought you’d look like hell,” Dell says with a shrug of his shoulders before sweeping his hand across the table. “The rest of the team agreed with me. We were betting on degrees of illness. Jenny said you’d be fine. I was on such a roll last night I thought there was no way I could lose. But this bet’s okay to lose. Although I hope it’s not the beginning of a bad streak.” He loses his grin at the thought.

“Glad to see how much confidence you have in me.” I chuckle as I sit and pull out my computer and notes.

“We’re a team,” Dell says as if it’s no big deal. “Now let’s kick some ass so we win this account.”

The morning goes by quickly, and we have a working lunch. Slowly, my tension eases, and I quit looking at the door every time I hear the slightest noise. Mason is off with the bigwigs like I expected. I don’t have to face him in front of everyone after practically throwing myself at him last night. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wish I could be one of those people who forgets everything they do when they’re drunk. Unfortunately, I’m not.I remember it all no matter how much I’d love to have a few blackout moments so I don’t have to relive my humiliation over and over again.

Nothing has changed between us and nothing can. Hopefully I’ll grow to appreciate that he makes me feel good about myself without blowing it into something it isn’t.

This situation makes me confront my life and realize I need to make changes. If I can figure out what those changes are I’ll be in a much healthier position than the one I’m currently in.

It’s interesting to tour the area where the conference center will be built, and the hotel staff are wonderful. As much as we’re trying to impress them, they’re trying to impress us, too. I’ve never experienced anything like this. I know it’s going to work out; we’ll get the job.

Will that mean more trips to Vegas — with Mason? I can’t think about that right now. I can’t constantly think about him.

Even if I don’t admit it to anyone else, I can’t deny I’m disappointed when the end of the day comes without seeing him. I go to my room and let it go. I assure myself that’s what needs to happen. I change and get ready for bed.

Then someone knocks on my door . . .

Chapter Twenty-One

Chloe

I open my hotel room door, and Mason is on the other side. We stare at each other for several long moments, and I don’t know what to say, don’t know what to do. He doesn’t make a move, just waits as if he can see my internal struggle. I appreciate him much more because of this.

“We should talk,” I finally say as I step aside for him to enter.

He comes inside, and I move to the small living area. I choose the comfortable armchair, leaving the couch for him. He smiles as he sits. He’s so used to being the one to lead people, to tell them where to go and what to do. I’m not a woman to be led around easily.

---