Page 18 of Choosing the right Man

I get to the blue room early; no one else is here. I glance at the clock, and it says a quarter till five. I thought others would be strolling in by now. Maybe they’re taking a quick break beforethe long night begins. I don’t know where to sit so I walk to the large windows and look out at the water.

Ifeelhis presence before I hear him. I know he’s in the room. There’s a shift in the air, a static electricity only I can feel. A shiver runs through me. I don’t have to turn to know his eyes are fixed on me. I expected him to be the last person to enter the room. I should’ve known better. As much as I want to deny what’s between us, each time we’re together, the very air thickens.

With the amount of power the man exudes, he doesn’t need to put on shows, doesn’t need to exert his authority by making everyone stand until he sits, or play the games so many others play. His existence is enough to make people stand at attention. I slowly turn, but focus on the table between us.

“I’ve missed you this week,” he says, making my stomach tighten. I can’t look at him, but I don’t pretend to act surprised he’s here.

“You have no reason or right to be missing me,” I reply. I won’t admit I’ve looked for him and have missed seeing him as well. I can’t possibly miss him as I don’t know him, but I’ve looked up often, seeking him out.

“I told myself those same words for the past few days. I never actively pursued a woman before you came along. No is no,” he admits. There’s hesitation in his voice. “But I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.” He seems angry about this. I can relate. I don’t want to think about him either, but it seems I do whether I want to or not.

“I’m going to have to leave this job, aren’t I?” I ask, feeling unbearable sadness at the thought. I can practically feel him stiffen as he draws closer to me.

“You . . . will . . . not . . . quit.” He stretches this sentence out, emphasizing each word as if this is a command. It immediately makes me want to obey him. “There’s no reason for you to go.I want you here,” he adds, his jaw tense. I don’t know what he expects from me as he says these words. This situation is so damn complicated. The best thing for both of us is for me to leave. It truly is. We both know, though, that I’m not going anywhere... not unless he fires me. I’m as drawn to him as he is to me, but I’m fighting it with all I have.

“I’m not going... not yet,” I finally admit. He’s now behind me, standing far too close. His hot breath trails the back of my neck, and goosebumps pepper my skin. He leans closer; I can practically taste him.

“Good,” he says, his hot breath doing things to me I don’t care to analyze.

“Mason...” I breathe out before stopping. I’m not sure what I want to say.

His fingers trail across my side, and his body brushes mine, and I inhale, desperately wanting to lean back against him. I want this so much it nearly kills me. I realize if Paul weren’t in the picture, I’d gladly sleep with this man. I wouldn’t fight what I’m feeling, even knowing he’d take me once or twice and then be done with me. Being with him even once would be worth it. There’s zero doubt in my mind how hot the sex would be, hotter than anything I could ever imagine... not that I have much experience.

I’ve never had feelings like this before, and to explore how it would feel to lie in the arms of a man I want this much would be heavenly. There’s no use in wondering what could be, though, when it isn’t possible for me to let go.

“Chloe...” he begins. I don’t get to know what he’s about to say as we hear voices nearing the door, and he immediately takes a step back. I turn to glance at him, and he looks completely composed as a group of men and women step into the room. I wish I could recover as quickly.

“Hey, Mr. Alexander,” one of the young techs says as he moves to the table and flops down. He takes out his computer, flips it open, and looks at something, not waiting for a reply from his boss.

“Hello, Bill,” Mason replies. He steps farther away from me, and I finally breathe easier.

Jenny comes in and shows me where I should sit. I clutch my notepad in my sweaty fingers and stare holes in the table. The meeting starts, and I try to pay attention, but my mind’s replaying the short conversation with Mason. My body relives how his hot breath felt cascading over my skin. My heart races.

I barely eat any of the delicious meal Mason provides for us. His team seems in great spirits, all of them eager to impress, ideas flying through the room as quickly as bullets. It’s obvious the people who work here love their jobs, and love this think-tank session.

We finish about ten, and I look at my phone. There are no messages. Paul hasn’t even noticed I’m not home yet. My boyfriend makes it far too easy for me to want to lean on another man. At least this is what I tell myself to alleviate some of the guilt consuming me.

It isn’t until I’m on the bus that the thought crosses my mind: maybe Paul truly does want me to leave him. Maybe he fell out of love with me many years ago but is too honorable to tell me. I step inside the house and there’s no music playing, and the lights are turned off. I make my way to the bedroom and find him tucked into bed, sound asleep, a peaceful expression on his face.

A bit of tenderness fills me. He’s worked day and night for weeks on end, and he’s finally crashed. It isn’t that he hasn’t noticed I’m not home; exhaustion has finally forced him to take a night off. I change and crawl into bed beside him. He turns in his sleep, and I snuggle up to his back, comforted. This is my safe place. This is where I belong.

I fall asleep, and for the first time in over a week, I don’t dream. Maybe I’m coming to the realization of what must be done... and I’m okay with it. Maybe I’m just taking my time in letting go of something that’s so much a part of me. Maybe we both need this drawn out to truly say goodbye.

Chapter Fourteen

Chloe

A full month passes at my job, and I love each day more than the last. The longer I’m here, the more people trust me. It isn’t that they didn’t trust me in the beginning; it’s a tight-knit group, and they want to make sure I’m not only going to stick around, but that I’m responsible and capable before deciding to let me into their inner circle. I understand.

After a couple of more weeks some of the girls invite me out for happy hour, and after another week they include me in the gossip chain. You truly know you’re a part of the group when they share all of the office romance details with you.

Emmy in accounting is pregnant, but she doesn’t want anyone to know yet. She says she’ll be too heartbroken if anything happens, and she has to tell everyone she lost the baby.

Jeff, in marketing, has been diagnosed with cancer and doesn’t want anyone to know because he chose to forgo treatment and doesn’t want everyone to suddenly think they’re doctors and give him advice.

Martha in HR is having an affair with Tina in marketing, but neither of them is out of the closet, and both are married to men.

There’s so much gossip going on at the proverbial water cooler, and it’s all pretty interesting, even if I don’t know very many people in the other divisions of the office. This is a twenty-story building. That’s a lot of people to know. I’m beginning to learn names and put them to faces, but I’ve barely scratched the surface. I’m also grateful I haven’t taken Mason up on his offer of an affair. No matter how discreet he might think he is, I guarantee the entire office staff will not only know about it, but will be talking about us within a matter of hours.

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