Page 108 of Kings of Cruelty

Konstantin shakes his head. “It is not about energy.” He takes a few breaths before continuing, “We will kill my father, or he will kill me.”

I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me that this would be weighing down on him. I should’ve known. I wonder if Kyran had the time to dread killing Pa before doing it.

I wonder if he mourns him at all.

“He won’t be killing you,” I say firmly. “That isn’t going to happen.” I know that isn’t the point, but I don’t know what to say to him.

“He would, though.” Konstantin clenches his fists. “He came here with the intent to… to torture me, at least. Kill me, eventually. If not him, then Roman.”

“Has it always been like this?” I ask, taking one of his large hands into my own. “Between the three of you?”

“I don’t know. Yes? No?” Konstantin makes a frustrated sound. “I learned to kill for him. I became this person, but now that I am who he always wanted, I’m still wrong. I am not allowed to do anything he doesn’t approve of. I am lesser.”

More than ever, it tugs at me that Konstantin and Kyran have entirely too much in common. And now here they are, at the same precipice, about to take that final blow.

“My father coddled me,” I tell him quietly, “but I saw how he treated my brothers. I… I shouldn’t be surprised things ended the way they did.” My smile is brittle as it briefly crosses my lips. “Turns out Silvano wasn’t the one to do it. Kyran did. Guess we’re all about patricide, aren’t we?”

“I do not want to kill him,” Konstantin confesses. “I am committed to it. I hate him. Yet I still wish he would simply apologize and go away.”

“Me too,” I say. I lean in and kiss his cheek. “You’re allowed to feel this way, you know. There’s nothing wrong with it.” I look up at him. “Youdoknow that, right?”

Konstantin wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. “Thank you, Sierrochka,” he says in Russian.

“You’re welcome,” I say in my own halting Russian. I continue in English, “We can go to sleep, Kotya. We don’t have to do anything but rest. Just the two of us, if you want. Anything you need. They’ll understand.”

“They will not,” Konstantin says with a small smile. “They do not say it, but they are nervous too. My father and Roman have always treated Yura like a child. Nikolai has not recovered from his father’s betrayal, either.”

I breathe out slowly. “I think it would be stupid not to be nervous,” I tell him. “I’m fuckingterrified, and I’m not even heading in there. I…” I’m not ready. I know I’m not ready. But there are three little words I need to tell him, because if he dies… I’ll never forgive myself for never having said it. But I can’t bring myself to utter them—not yet. “Get through it, because I have something important to tell you.”

Konstantin tilts my head up. We stare each other in the eyes for several long moments before Konstantin leans in to kiss me.

I will him to understand, to know what I’m thinking without having to utter those words, and I think he understands as I kiss him back with all I have.

When we break apart, I have to blink against the tears.

“Go to them, Sierrochka,” Konstantin says. “They need you more than I do right now.”

Even blinking doesn’t stop the tears, not then, but I nod even though I don’t want this to be the last thing we ever say to each other. “You are not allowed to die,” I say, my voice wobbling. “You understand that, right?”

“I will try very hard.” Konstantin presses his hand to my stomach. “For you, and for the baby.”

I nod. “Okay,” I rasp. “Then… I… I guess I’ll go.” I stand, wishing I wasn’t shaking as I leave the room and return to Nikolai and Yuri with tears still running down my cheeks.

I stumble as soon as I get to them, and Nikolai has his arms around me in a second. “Hey. Hey, what happened?” he asks, sounding alarmed. “Is Kotya okay? Did he upset you?”

I shake my head. “No. No, that’s not it.”

Yuri watches me from the bed, scowling. “If not him, then who? One of Cresci’s men?”

“No,” I say more emphatically. “I’m worried. That’s all. About all of you.” I force a smile. “But it’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“It will,” Yuri agrees. “If Kotya thinks we will fail, then he is an idiot. He has all of us, and Cresci, and Corvi, and even Pavone. That is many more friends than his father has.”

Nikolai squeezes me close to him before leading me to the bed. “Yeah, it is.”

Unless Konstantin’s father has been able to gather more allies since arriving here, but I don’t want to think about that. I want to believe that the odds are in our favor.

“Kiss me,” I tell Nikolai.

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