Page 29 of Without Pride and Prejudice

It was a question that deserved an answer. But for the first time in my life, I was going to ignore all the evidence.

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

MONROE

“READ IT AGAIN,” MACEY, I mean Jane, squealed. I really needed to stay in character before Lady Catherine had an aneurysm. She did seem to love to hate me, though, so perhaps she wouldn’t be too disappointed to pin a medical emergency on me.

“Okay, okay.” I dreamily sighed and held out Fitz’s letter in front of us as we lay next to each other on the beds we’d pushed together in our room. When we’d initially walked in and seen the two twin beds, we knew we couldn’t have that—we wanted the full Jane-and-Elizabeth experience. Aside from the separate beds, though, the Longbourn house and our room were everything I’d hoped they would be. With a vestibule, drawing room, parlor, and library, it was heaven. Our room had a low-burning fire in the fireplace, and the handcrafted furniture was divine. I was absolutely in love with the pink parfait-and-cream flowered wallpaper. So in love, in fact, I was determined to hang the same wallpaper in my own bedroom when I returned home. The best part, though, was the complete absence of a chamber pot and the room smelled like the rose water women of the Regency era used to wash with.

I still couldn’t believe Fitz had written me such an affectionate letter. I hadn’t even known he could be romantic. Boy, was I ever wrong. Fitz was a romantic genius.

Jane and I put our heads together before I read the letter—which was written on a blend of cotton and linen paper that Fitz had folded as if he were Mr. Darcy himself—out loud for the fifth time.

My dearest Monroe,

I hope my behavior today gives you license to suspect that my feelings for you run much deeper than our friendship, which I have valued above all relationships in my life. In vain I have struggled to conceal my heart from you, for fear that my heart is unworthy of you; I am loath to ruin what we already share. But I am losing the fight. My feelings will not be repressed. I’ve come to realize that only time ceasing to exist would put an end to my feelings for you.

If these feelings are unwelcome, I will say no more on the subject, for I cannot imagine my life without you in it, and though it would be difficult, I will ever remain your friend. But if you wish to explore a deeper aspect of our relationship, meet me at midnight near the stables for a late-night stroll. All you need do is say yes, and I will be there waiting for you. My greatest hope is that one day we will be in possession of each other.

Ever thine,

Your Mr. Darcy

“Holy swoon.” I fanned myself. If Fitz wanted to make me fall in love with him, he had me atI’ve come to realize that only time ceasing to exist would put an end to my feelings for you.Whoa. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I could hardly believe this was real, but it had to be. Fitz would never toy with my feelings like this. How long had he felt this way? Was this a sudden development? Didhe just wake up one morning and think,You know what? I love my best friend?

“You’re telling me,” Jane said, as if she needed a moment. “I have the holiest of envy.”

“Well, Fitz is a history of literature professor, so he was basically born to write well. He’d give Captain Wentworth a run for his money. But don’t worry—I think Charles Bingley will come around.” I nudged her. I’d seen Zane, a.k.a. Bingley, checking her out a few times that day.

“Ugh. Zane,” she said his name on a sigh. “I don’t even know what to think about him. He’s trying, but I feel like he felt coerced into coming here with me. I can’t help but feel guilty that he’s here.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. He seemed into the dancing when we were paired together, even though he stepped on my toes twice. And I was pretty sure it was because he was looking for Jane. “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” She smiled. “I want to read your letter again.” She took it from me.

I wondered if she hesitated confiding in me because she was afraid I would try to help her and she’d witnessed my earlier helpful efforts today. Poor Mary not only had a wardrobe malfunction thanks to me, but I’d tried to help her get Mr. Collins’s attention before we started playing whist. I thought it would be cute if she accidentally bumped into him, so I gave her what I thought was a little push. Unfortunately, I ended up pushing her into our table instead, knocking over a bottle of wine and splattering her. So she had to change once again, and I got another lecture from Lady Catherine about how I wasn’t acting like a well-bred young lady. Thankfully, Mary was kind enough to forgive me, but I still felt awful about it.

“You really had no idea he felt this way about you?” Jane asked while repeatedly perusing the letter.

“None at all. Like I said, I’m not really duchess material. You’ve seen how some people, a.k.a. the Ladies Catherine and Winnifred, treated me today, not to mention a few others from the gentry. It’s been the same since our school days—I don’t fit in with his crowd. But it’s never bothered me, until now,” I admitted.

“So you’re not going to meet him?”

“Of course I am. I love him and, honestly, could easily find myself in love with him. But I’m afraid,” I admitted. “What if things don’t work out and I ruin his social standing?” My chest seized just thinking about it. “What if I ruin the best relationship I’ve ever had?”

Jane squeezed my arm. “What if you make it better? I’ve never had a man say the words your duke used in this letter—his sentiments are heart-achingly beautiful. He obviously thinks it will work out; I don’t think he’d risk it otherwise.”

I nibbled on my lower lip. She did make a lot of sense, so I turned and hugged her. “Thank you, dear sister.” I sat up. “Okay, I guess I’m doing this. What should I wear?”

She sat up too and smiled. “Hmm. I’m not sure Elizabeth ever snuck out for a midnight tryst.”

“Tryst?” I laughed. But ... “Could you imagine how amazing it would have been for Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth to have a few sexy stolen moments in the book?”

“That’s not canon.” Jane did her best Lady Catherine voice. The insufferable woman had been saying that phrase all day. Also,“I know it’s not canon, but we must make some allowances.”

“I’m going totally off script tonight.” I jumped off the bed and headed for the wardrobe, feeling three parts elated and one part pukey. This had the makings of being the best night of my life and the realization of dreams buried long ago, or it could ruinthe life I already loved with Fitz in it. That wouldn’t happen, right?

I pulled out one of my “civilian” outfits that included a tweed highland jacket Fitz had given to me last Christmas. I felt like such an aristocrat in it. Oh wow. That’s exactly what I would be if Fitz and I became a forever kind of thing. The thought gave me heart palpitations.Let’s just take one step at a time,I tried to calm myself.

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