Page 36 of Craving a King

I take a deep breath. “My father pulled away. He started taking a mistress. The council advised him to take her as another wife and not have concubines; however, my father never entertained the idea of ordaining a second wife, a custom that many had abandoned. However, as king, he argued it was his right to have lovers and not answer to anyone. He wanted to do business in the West and knew that Western culture did not approve of polygamy. The council was not pleased and ordered his discretion. He obliged. We never knew who his mistress was. If she could not be legitimized as a wife, she would remain nameless. If anyone did know, they dared not speak of it.”

Ella shifts in my lap to straddle my hips and face me. “Hmm. I’m sure his wife’s father being a member of the council didn’t help his cause.”

I shake my head. “No, it did not. But my father doubled down and started spending more time with his mistress than my mother. My mother knew and did not fight a war she would not win. However, I saw it slowly eat away at her for years.”

“That’s so sad. She stayed knowing he didn’t respect or love her?”

I swallow hard and my jaw clenches. “This is not America, Ella, and unfortunately, she loved him. Where was she to go? Back to her father’s home? The one saving grace was she had no idea who the mistress was. Besides the council’s edict, I believe my father did not flaunt it as a twisted way of sparing her. We lived like this for 11 years.” I shift again and rub my face with my hands. I hate talking about this, but she needs to know.

Encouraging me to continue, she takes my hand and kisses each finger. I am surprised and pleased. She then lays her head on my chest. I continue.

“One day, there was a knock at the door. It was Adom.”

“Your cousin?” she asks for confirmation.

“Yes, my cousin. My mother’s sister’s son and only nephew. He asked Akua to see my mother, and she invited him to have lunch with us outside. Little did I know, it would be the worst lunch of my life. He dropped a bomb of information on us that neither of us ever expected. His words were like a jagged knife in my mother’s back. I watched helplessly as his words slowly destroyed her.”

Ella sits up. “What words?”

“He told us that he was my father’s son. I didn’t want to believe him, but the more he spoke, the more I realized it was truth. He told us that for years, my father came to visit his mother nearly every night. Adom started investigating, listening in on conversations, asking more questions among the servants. Finally, he confronted his mother, and she gave in and confirmed the decade-long affair and that Adom was indeed, a son of the king. My mother nearly crumbled there at the table—a double betrayal crushed her soul.

“Learning what her sister and husband had done put her into a partial catatonic state. I was the only one who could see her…she turned everyone away except for her most trusted maid. She also forbade me, for the first time ever, to spend time with Senya. From that point on, it felt like it was her and I against the world.”

My chest starts to tighten, and my lips stop moving as I remember that last year of my mother’s life. “I was an 11-year old boy without my two best friends, and she was a shell. I remember the conversations she would spontaneously burst into about killing my father or herself. She always asked for me to walk her down to her beloved river. I would walk her there and back every day, watching to make sure she was safe. Just trying desperately to make her life worth living again. I wanted her to know that my love was enough. I convinced myself I was enough to make her want to live again.” I feel Ella wiping tears from my eyes, stopping them before they fall and alternately squeezing me in a hug. I don’t know why, but her face wills me to continue.

“Then, one day, my father had tickets to a local football game and I really wanted to go. He was taking Senya and me. I think I was more interested in spending time with Senya than him. Akua assured me she would keep an eye on my mother. My mother begged me not to go, but my father insisted I could not live my life in her room. I needed to start doing the things young men do again. I remember when I stopped by her room to say goodbye and she turned away from me. I remember I was so angry at her and called her selfish. Then I left.” I catch the sob in my throat long enough to finish the story. Long enough to lay myself and all my pain bare to Ella.

“When we returned from the game, Akua met us at the door. She whispered to my father, but I heard her say my mother was missing. She got dressed and said something about going to the river. Then I ran. I ran all the way to the river; I’d never run so fast in my life.” Ella is holding and rocking me. She’s the only thing keeping me from lying face down and crying to God in front of this grave as I did for many nights as a child.

“First, I saw her clothes. Then I saw the notes laid on the path to the river like a footpath, each one held by a stone. There was one for her sister, one for my father, and one for me. Then as I got to the riverbank, I saw her body floating. All I could think was,God! I have to cover my mother; she’s naked and no one should see the queen, my mother, like this.” I push Ella away and stand up to pace and breathe. “Half the village was close behind me once word started to spread, but I managed to pull her out of the river and cover her.”

Ella is crying and looking up at me. I can tell she’s crying for the little boy that had to find his mother floating in the river, not for the man I am now. She doesn’t pity me like I feared she would. Instead, it’s clear she shares my pain. She stands up and stills my pacing with an embrace. “I’m so sorry, Kofi,” she whispers in my ear.

“You know the worst part? My father actually mourned her. He was never with another woman as far as I know, and he built this God-awful shrine to her in her favorite woods. I was never truly his son after that. I could not love him after what he did to my mother. We lived like strangers until he finally agreed to send me away to London for secondary schooling.”

“I understand,” she soothes.

“I blamed Adom for years. I felt if he would have kept his mouth shut, she would have never known. I know that’s crazy, but I was young. He was hurting just like I was. My father never acknowledged him as his son—therefore, neither did anyone else. Although everyone knew the truth, they basically shunned him. I’m not proud of it, but I felt I had to do the same. I would not betray my mother by treating him like a brother. I’d already let her down.”

“Adom coped by endlessly competing with me. I guess it was his way to get my father’s attention and to prove he was good enough to be my brother. In retrospect, he was as hurt and torn apart as I was. Both of our lives changed the day my mother took that walk to the river. I should have never left for that stupid football game that day.”

Ella places both hands on my upper arms and pushes back to look me in the eyes. “No, you were a child. Your mother was sick, Kofi; you couldn’t have known.”

“That’s not entirely true. I did know. She would talk about it all the time, but I never thought she would do it. I thought she loved me too much to. But I was wrong. Love isn’t powerful enough to save someone that’s determined to be lost.”

Ella sniffles and wipes her eyes. She tried to hold it together while I told my story, but this last revelation was too much for her to bear. Now she knows why I have never given myself completely over to love. I’m terrified to let the one I love down. I’m scared to lose them when I’m not enough to keep them. She tries to compose herself, but her voice breaks

“All I know is she must have loved you very much to want you with her. I think she was just hurting so bad that she didn’t know what to do with the pain.”

I rub my hands in her hair to soothe her. I love her more for sharing some of my pain. She doesn’t have to care, but she does. “I know you’re right. After my father died 15 years later, I became Asantehene and got a therapist. My therapist helped me sort all of my feelings out and I finally read the note my mother left me. I never had the strength to do it before.”

Ella continues to rub my arms, waiting for me to decide if I want to share the contents of it.

“It said:My dear Kofi. Be a good king. Love a good queen. And always save a place for me by the river.I’ve done two out of three, but I don’t know if I’ll ever subject another woman I love to royal service. It destroyed my mother.”

Ella doesn’t comment—she just looks at me, waiting. She’s waiting for me to lead us out of this physical and emotional place of pain.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Kofi. But why do it if it brings you so much pain?”

---