Page 103 of Audacity

‘It’s bloody genius,’ Max says. ‘Honestly. You realise the universe served you up Athena and solved all your life’s problems in one go?’

‘Hearing my fiancé talk about the universe is still really weird,’ Dex confesses. ‘Darcy’s really getting to you.’

Darcy is Dex and Max’s fiancée and Gen Wolff’s younger sister. The guys proposed to her a couple of weeks ago in Como and they’re all getting married this summer. I’ve only met her a handful of times, but she strikes me as far more of a free spirit than either of them.

‘Hearing you call me your fiancé is still really fucking amazing,’ Max counters, and they grin at each other. The love in their eyes hits me hard. There’s something seriously brave about what they’re doing. Not only has Dex had to walk away from a relationship with his uber-Catholic father, who categoricallywould not accept his queerness, but the three of them have embraced their unconventional love in the face of widespread scrutiny. After all, Max is the only openly queer CEO in the FTSE 100 currently.

Compared to what they’ve had to face, my own woes seem relatively immaterial.

I love a woman.

She, I choose to believe, loves me.

We’re both free agents.

This problem should not be insurmountable.

‘Let’s cut to the chase,’ Adam says after our main courses have been served, and I’m reminded of the benefit of having your sounding board be made up of serious hitters with exceptional cognitive abilities. ‘And I say this all with the complacency of someone who is not in your shoes, mate. But you need to find a way to hold onto her, first and foremost. You love her, it sounds like you’re great together, and there’s no fucking way you should let an irrelevant dipshit like Harrington ruin your chances of happiness.’

‘Amen to that,’ Max says through a mouthful of gnocchi.

‘Second—go talk some sense into your family. If you can’t appeal to whatever Catholic baggage they’re holding onto, appeal to their business brains. You say Athena’s the best person for the job. Sell them on that. And third.’

He pauses, scrunching up his face. ‘For what it’s worth, when you talk about the plans you have for the foundation, it strikes me that you’ve found all that authenticity and purpose you’ve been searching for for so long. And it sounds like Athena’s vision, and all her experience, has been a huge driving factor. So, for God’s sake, find a way to do that together andlet yourself enjoy it,mate.’

I nod soberly. When he puts it like that, it all sounds so sensible. So feasible.

‘Can I make an observation?’ Dex asks.

‘Of course.’ I gesture with my fork.

‘Some of these blocks you’re feeling... that reticence could be coming from a place of feeling like you have to keep on atoning for what you did, so you’re playing this role of the dutiful son. But the irony is that if you follow what your heart is telling you—both in your love life and regarding the foundation—you stand a far better chance of stepping into your purpose. Because, let me tell you, otherwise you risk falling into that same trap over and over, and living a quiet, small life, and you’ll never feel like you’re enough, because everything you do is for the wrong reasons.’

He takes a deep breath. ‘One of the things that helped my sister and me finally stand up to our dad was realising that nothing we did would ever be enough. We’d never be pure enough, or devout enough for him. At the end of the day, your parents sound way more rational than my father, but, even if they never come around, it’s better to live with their disapproval than your regrets.’

And there’s mycome to Jesusmoment.

‘At the end of the day,’ Max says briskly, ‘while we all think you should have a damn good try at changing your family’s minds, you can’t live for them. Their reactions are not your responsibility, nor are they Athena’s, and the sooner that becomes your embodied truth, the sooner you’ll be free to live your life.’

‘I can’t believe you just used the phraseembodied truthwith a straight face,’ Anton quips.

‘Texting Darcy right now.’ Dex reaches for his phone.

‘Let me bring this home in slightly cruder, less beautiful language than Dex here managed,’ Anton says. ‘One. Athena is hot as fuck and one of the most incredible women I’ve ever met. I never thought a man would get her to want to settle down, andyou have, mate. So don’t fuck it up. Two. If she’s the best person for the foundation job, which it sounds like she is, then persuade your family of what needs to be done.

‘Which brings me to point three. Don’t take offence at this, but now’s the time to step up and manage this situation like a CEO and not a fucking priest. This is the first real crisis you’ve had since you took the reins, which makes you luckier than most. You have a very important vision for the future, and you’ve found the perfect person to execute that vision for you.

‘So if some members of your board think they can discriminate based on that individual’s sexual choices and not on their actual experience and qualifications, then you have to shut that shit down.’

Max nods his approval. ‘Your biggest challenge as a CEO is always going to be making those judgement calls. You need to know that you have what it takes to step up and wield your power when it matters. Athena’s not weak. She doesn’t need you to protect her. But in this moment, she bloody well needs you to fight for her. So stop trying to be noble and keep everyone happy, and fight for what you know to be right.’

He points his knife at me as he delivers his parting shot. ‘And, by the way, mate, the correct moral choice isn’t always the one that seems most seemly, or “proper”. Life would be very boring if it was.’

CHAPTER 53

Gabe

It’s with fire in my belly that I drive up to my parents’ for Sunday lunch. Let it never be said that my mother will let her moral outrage get in the way of an opportunity to feed up her children.

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