Page 64 of Captivating

I shut my phone off and leave it on my nightstand.

I’m done waiting.

By the time I get to her piano room, the music has stopped, and she’s jotting something down in another pink notebook. Always pink for my girl. But when she looks up, something cracks in my chest. “Jesus, you’re beautiful, Lilah.”

She blushes and closes her notebook. Her long blonde curls spill over her creamy, freckled shoulders, and a long red silk slip of a nightgown skims her body. The snow that started hours ago casts an ethereal glow, but it doesn’t hold a candle to her smile.

“I finished the song,” she whispers reverently.

“Oh yeah?” I cross the room in fast strides, needing to be closer. “What’s it called?”

“Red Lips & White Lies.” Her long lashes flutter when I stop in front of her. “I guess I was inspired by all the liars in my life.”

LILAH

When the world gets too noisy, focus on your own voice. It’s the only one that matters.

—Lilah’s Secret Thoughts

“You still think I’m one of those liars, princess?”

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to think anything at all when Killian stands next to me in low-slung, black-jersey pajama bottoms and absolutely nothing else. Why are his bare feet so damn sexy? And my God, by the time I drag my eyes up to the ink covering his golden skin, stretched around a bicep that looks chiseled from stone, I start to wonder if I’m the one lying... Lying to myself. Because trying to convince myself I don’t want him certainly feels wrong.

But then again... how much of us has always been a lie?

“Once upon a time, I would have believed anything you said...” I decide if we’re going to have this fight, I need to do it on even ground and stand up. Not that it puts me even closeto being on even footing with the stupidly sexy giant. “But that was before you proved you lie as much as everyone else. The difference was how much I blindly trusted every word you said before you proved me wrong. I haven’t made that mistake since then. At least, I didn’t think I had. But I guess some lessons are harder to learn than others.”

My heart hurts, remembering the heart-wrenching pain.

“You ready to do this, princess?” he growls and reaches for me but changes his mind and crosses his arms over his chest instead.

Thank God. I don’t think I could handle this if he was touching me.

“I’ll never be ready to do thisagain, St. James. But we might as well get it over with. Everything about you hurts. Having you here... in my space... every day... So willing to do whatever it takes to keep me safe, when I’m pretty damn sure you’re a bigger threat than any stalker could ever be.” My body vibrates with hurt and anger and lust and love. “Fuck you for making me feel this way again.” I push at his chest, but he doesn’t budge, just absorbs the blow. “I swore I never would.” Another shove as the first tear falls, and I curse him again. “You broke me. After everything you said, to findyoulike that, withher.” I lift my hand again, but this time, Killian catches my wrist. “How could you do that to me?”

He plants my hand against his heart, thrumming steady and strong. A beat I’ll still feel in my sleep for weeks to come. “How couldI?”

“Yes... How could you?” I try so damn hard to stay strong when I feel every inch of the pain like it was yesterday, not ten years ago.

Killian’s shoulders tense, and he steps into my space without dropping my hand. “How couldyou, princess?”

The utter destruction in his voice stops me dead in my tracks, and my words get stuck in my throat. “What?”

“How. Could. You? You saw something that night and made a decision without ever talking to me. You didn’t trust me enough to question what you thought you saw.” He clenches his jaw so tightly, I’m shocked his teeth don’t crack. “I had just told you, you were it for me. That I was never gonna love anyone else. And you thought you saw something and left. You didn’t step in. You didn’t fight for me. For us. You just assumed I was a piece of shit and walked away.”

“Of course I did. I spent the first three years of high school watching you fuck around with every girl who wasn’t me. That wasn’t new. What was new was that you did it after everything you’d just said to me. How did you think I was going to react? I felt like I was in one of those air-hockey games on the boardwalk, getting bashed back and forth between both ends until you hit hard enough that I sunk into that stupid hole at the end of the table. One minute, we were friends. The next, you told me you loved me. And before the night was over, you were fucking Gia Petrillo. Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“I didn’t fuck her.” His green eyes blaze with a fire stronger than the sun. “She drugged me.”

“Bullshit—” The word is out of my mouth before I can truly register what he’s said. “What?”

He pulls my hand away from his heart and moves around me until he’s sitting on the piano bench, and I’m standing between his legs. Eye to eye. Then he takes both my hands in his. “I had two drinks and felt fucked up. Too fucked up. I was looking for you or Maverick. Then the night just got... foggy. I remembered feeling like I needed to sit down, or I was gonna fall down. Then nothing. The rest of the night is a blank.”

“I’m sorry...what?” I stutter, trying to wrap my head around what he’s saying but failing. “If the night’s a blank, how do you know what happened?”

“Maverick. He helped fill in the pieces. He saw you leave in tears while he was hooking up with Gia’s friend. When he went to go after you, she stopped him and said it was probably because you saw me with Gia. Said she’d been bragging that she was going to bag me before the party. Mav knew there was no way that would happen and decided to figure out what the fuck was going on.”

The room spins around me, and I take a small step closer to him. “I’m so confused.”

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