Page 86 of Captivating

The future . . .

This morning my future was set.

I was marrying the woman I’ve loved my whole fucking life, and now, I’m staring at her, knowing when she wakes up, I’m going to have to tell her we lost our baby.

I pull a chair next to her bed and sit down. “Can I touch her?”

“Yes. Hold her hand. Talk to her. Let her hear your voice. Studies show it helps.” He checks something on one of the machines she’s attached to, then moves toward the door. “A nurse will be in shortly to check on her again, and I’ll be by again later. We normally wouldn’t let you stay for longer than an hour, but no one will be asking you to leave, Mr. St. James.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Thank you for everything,” I tell him as I pick up Lilah’s hand.

She’s still cold, and I hate it.

She should be warm and smiling and full of life.

I should be the one in this bed.

I press my lips to her hands. “Wake up, princess. Show me those beautiful eyes. Yell at me for calling you princess, even though you really love the nickname.” I drop my head to our hands. “I can’t do this without you, Lilah. I need you. Please don’t fucking leave me again.”

KILLIAN

“Here, I brought you coffee.” Maverick hands me the cup and stares at Lilah lying in the bed, a pink blanket her mom brought from home tucked around her. “She’s still so damn pale.”

“She’s got more color today than yesterday.” Barely, but it’s there, and that’s something.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Rosie keeps asking if she can come see Tink. She’s breaking my heart,” he murmurs and takes Lilah’s hand in his. “Mom’s dog just had another litter of puppies. Rosie keeps asking if she can have one, and she told Mimi last night that she thinks Tink would want one too.” I can’t tell if he’s telling me or Lilah until he bends down and whispers something into Lilah’s ear and smiles.

“You need anything, Killer?”

“I need her to wake up,” I tell him, like a robot. I feel nothing. Like I’ve shut down.

I look at the clock above the door.

It’s been two days.

Mav looks away, like it’s too much. “Did the doc say anything?”

I nod and put the coffee down, so I can pick her hand back up. “She’ll wake up when she’s ready.”

“Brother, when was the last time you showered?” Noah asks as he squeezes my shoulder, and I sit up.

“Guess I fell asleep.” I stand and stretch. “Is your mom okay? She was pretty upset when she left last night.”

“She’s not doing great. Asher said she hasn’t slept in days. But at least she’s showered.” He drops a bag on my lap. “Brynn asked me to give this to you. I think it’s clothes and shampoo. Go shower. And before you say you’re not leaving, use the shower here. I won’t leave her alone.”

“No.”

“Killian—”

“You don’t get it. I can’t leave her. She was in bed. She was safe and warm and happy, and she left to get me fucking pancakes. When I fell asleep, she was sleeping in my arms, and the next time I saw her, she was bleeding the fuck out. It’s been four fucking days, and I can’t do anything to help her. They can’t tell us when she’ll wake up, and the last thing I saw her do was take a bullet for me.” I drag my fingers through my hair and get a whiff of myself.Fuck. I do need a damn shower.

“It wasn’t supposed to be her. I was supposed to take the bullet. Not her. I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to protect them both.”Fuck, I can’t—I grab the bag from the chair and point it at Noah with emotion clogging my throat. “Five minutes. Don’t move from her side. I don’t care who comes in here. Got it?”

Noah nods and wipes his eyes. “Don’t forget the deodorant.”

“Asshole.”

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