Page 65 of Captivating

“When he found me, I was blacked out, not moving, and Gia was on top of me trying to get my boxers down.”

“But your arms were around her. You were kissing her. Your pants were down.” I try to block the image out, but it was burned into my retinas a decade ago. “Her black panties were in the snow next to a condom wrapper.”

“Think about it, princess. Think about what that all looks like. But think about what was missing. Was I moving? Did you hear my voice? Did you see my face?” Pain and hurt and anger swirl together, straining against his voice.

And— Oh. My. God.

“Killian... Why—why didn’t you say anything? I screamed at you. I sobbed and hit you when you came to see me. Why didn’t you tell me?” My chest shakes with the force of my pained sob, like an injured animal begging to be put out of its pain. “I told you I hated you. Why did you let me?”

“Don’t even go there, Lilah. You won’t like the answer,” he warns, but I don’t heed the warning. I can’t.

“Bullshit. You don’t get to say that now. You can’t tell me all this—lay it all at my feet after ten fucking years and then tell menot to go there. Who else knew? Who else knew she hurt you? Jesus Christ, I’m going to kill her.”

Rage momentarily replaces hurt, and I see red.

“Easy, killer. By the end of the next day, Maverick, Jamie, and Noah knew... them and my parents.” He sighs. “I had a fight coming up, and I didn’t know what she’d given me. I needed to be tested.”

“Holy shit. She drugged you...” I whisper as it starts to sink in. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I tried to, and you wouldn’t listen. It might not sound manly, but you hurt me too, Lilah. I spent the whole morning puking my brains out. Spent the afternoon in the hospital. Then went right to your house, and you didn’t believe me. I tried to tell you, and you wouldn’t listen.”

I think back to that night... to the way his skin looked pale, but I thought that was because he was ashamed of himself, and suddenly, I’m the one feeling shame.

“Then, that next day... you came to Crucible and threw your necklace at me. You told me you never wanted to see me again.” Killian lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. “A few days later, you were gone, and you never looked back. I texted you after a few weeks, and you’d changed your number. I figured if it was that easy for you to believe I’d do that to you, we weren’t as real as I thought we were.”

He drops my face, links his arms around my waist, and pulls me closer. “But that’s the part I’m sorry about. That’s where immaturity came into play. I should have fought harder. I should have made you hear me. But I was a dumb kid, and it was such a fucked up situation. My mom wanted to press charges and lost her mind when I refused to. I didn’t want the world to know what happened. That would still be hanging over my head if it had come out.”

“Killian... Oh my God. Youshouldhate me.” I wipe at my tears but can’t stop them. “I—I have no words. I—I... I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry doesn’t feel like enough. You’re right. I should have known. I couldn’t understand how you could do that to me, but you never did. I’m the one who broke us.”

He pulls me in again, closing the last few inches between us and presses his face to my chest. “Immaturity broke us, Lilah. We were young and stupid and didn’t know how to handle this massive thing that had been building between us for years. But broken doesn’t mean destroyed. It doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. You can still fight for broken things.”

It’s my turn to lift his face in my hands, and the weight of the moment isn’t lost on me. “I was awful to you, Killian... for years.”

His thumbs brush the tears from my cheeks. “We weren’t ready yet. I think I always knew one day we would be. But we weren’t ready before.” He pulls me down onto his lap and presses his lips to my forehead. “This isn’t on you. The guys wanted to tell you right away, but I wouldn’t let them.”

“Why not?” I ask with guilt eating me whole.

“Because I was pissed too. If I had listened to them and let them say something, maybe we could have avoided all this shit, but I didn’t. This isn’t all on you.” He drags his lips down to my temple. “But what we do about it now... That’s up to you.”

My stomach tightens when he kisses away my tears.

“I’ve spent a lifetime loving you, Lilah. It was always going to be us. Even when you hated me, I loved you. Even when I thought I hated you, I loved you more.” His hand skims up my neck and grips the back of my head, and my entire body tightens with the anticipation of his next words. “I figured out a long time ago that I’d never stop loving you. I just needed you to be ready to hear it. Remember what I said... When I kissed you, it wasgoing to bewelcome home, I missed you. I fucking missed you so much, princess.”

“You remember?” I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Every fucking word.”

My heart nearly bursts with so much wasted time and pain. “I’ve never loved anyone but you. I never stopped. I should have?—”

Killian kisses me with all the emotion we’ve both been holding onto for all these years.

Love and hate and heartache warring with an unimaginable need and devastation.

His hands are everywhere. In my hair. On my arms. Dragging the straps of my nightgown down. Like a man possessed, he kisses me like I’m his oxygen. Like he needs me to breathe. Like I’m the only thing in the world that exists. Us. Here. Now.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I’m so sorry.”

He bites my lip and tugs. “Shut up, princess. You love me, and that’s all that matters...” He sucks my stinging lip between his, and I moan. “Say it again.”

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