Page 41 of Until We Kiss

“You too.” I watch him push the dolly toward the tents, but I turn back before he goes inside. I want to get back to?—

Carter.

Jesus.

He’s standing in the middle of the walkway, avocado shorts and a lei around his neck, white flowers against his tanned chest. He looks after Maxim and then back at me.

Twelve feet between us, and I can feel every inch of distance. Like that space across the white sheet, but this one feels cavernous.

And he’s quiet. No words, no light in his eyes. No dimple. No smile.

He’s just standing there, looking at me, the white petals on his chest moving faintly with each breath.

“I came to speak to him,” I say, wanting so damn much to close that distance, but I don’t know what he wants, so I move forward about three feet and then stop. “I needed to apologize. But nothing else happened.”

“I know.” His forehead wrinkles, his eyes heavy with thoughts. “But I’m so fuckingjealous.” He presses his lips. “You were gone. I didn’t know where you were, so I got worried and went looking for you. Then when I saw you hugging him, right out here in front of everyone.”

I swallow. “You’re right.”

His eyes move around my face. “I don't know where I stand with you. You’re so hot and cold. So up and down.”

He’s right about that too.

“You deserve more.” I’m all over the place. Barely hanging onto who I am. Struggling to make sense ofeverything. And he absolutely deserves more. “You deserve a person who is there.” My voice cracks. “Who can go all in.”

Can I do that?

I want to. With everything I have—I want to be that guy.

Fuck, my throat closes, eyes heating in record time.

I don’t want to lose him.

I get this flash of what that would really feel like, and it’s that black hole but a thousand times bigger, a thousand times wider. It’s all-encompassing. It hurts more than losing football. I never thought anything could hurt that much.

“I’ve been so fucking confused.” My chest feels like it’s going to collapse, like it’s going to fold. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” I step closer, enough that I can see the catch in his throat when he swallows. “But you, that shower, that kiss, just getting to be around you—it’s theonlything that’s made sense to me. With everything else, I feel?—‍”

“Lost.” His voice softens. And fuck, his eyes fill, wetness hanging in them. “I see it in you. All the time. Every day since your surgery. How lost you are. And I don’t know what to do. I just keep hoping you’ll start to feel better. That I’ll…‍” He swallows. “I’llhelpyou feel better. That a place like this would help.”

He blurs. He doesn’t move, but he blurs. Tears collect in my eyes. One falls. Another. “You planned this to help me?”

“Of course.” Then he’s there, warm palms on my biceps, amber eyes, a waft of sunblock. “When someone you love is hurting, you try to help them.”

“Jesus, Carter.” Everything fuzzes. Tears well over, wetting my cheeks and tasting like salt on my lips. “I love you.”

I didn’t plan to say it, but it’s right fuckingthere, spilled out in tears and words at Carter’s feet.

His lips part, his eyes widen for a brief second, and then his chest is against mine, pressing the flowers between us. His smell and his warmth surrounding me, his big body and bigger presence.

“Theo.” He cups my neck, and then his lips are on mine, moving with me, pulling me closer.

And I’m kissing him, my heart pounding in my throat, the pie box pressed against his back.

There’s noise all around us, but it’s static. I just kiss him until he breaks away and we’re hugging, tucked against each other, tropical sun beating down on us, our skin clammy. Hislips pressing underneath my ear in one of those little kisses that I love so much.

“I want you to be okay,” he whispers into my ear. “So fuckingmuch. I think about youallthe time. I’m going around, pretending to be normal, but the only thing I’m thinking about is you.” He leans back, catching my eyes. “You know I love you too, right? Pebbles andeverything.”

I choke out a sob. But I’m smiling. “Shit.”

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