Page 5 of Until We Kiss

We used to laugh like this. I remember Carter and me—and Rory and Dorian—laughing so hard that we were crying, none of us able to get out words. Back in freshman year, we were high on nothing but energy drinks and video games and ourselves. Back when anything seemed possible.

And now the plane is loud with voices and energy, like Carter is spilling out everywhere. I don’t know how he does stuff like this.

Just by being himself, I guess. Sometimes he’s so fuckingmuch. So big and energetic. But there’s something kinda amazing about him too.

So, I just say it, standing up, hunched over the bulkhead.

“You're kinda amazing,” I say, grabbing onto his shoulder halfway through another song, and he stops singing, blinking at me. Then he smiles one of those big dimple-inducing smiles andstarts to say something when the plane intercom dings in the middle of the chaos.

We’re about to land.

Five days in Clua with Carter. And the guys.

And I don’t plan to come home in the virginified state I’m in now.

I need to take the jump. I need to get myself out of this fucked up darkness. We settle into our seats, Carter’s elbow knocking against my funny bone as he roots around for his seatbelt.

I wonder what he’ll be like.

That first guy, I mean. I don’t think he’ll be like me—not some jock-virgin who doesn’t have a clue who he is anymore.

He’ll be someone who gets himself. Who knows himself.

I still my thumb when I realize it’s been tapping against my thigh and glance over at Carter.

He has a dick.

Ohhh shit, don’t think that. I mean, it’s true. I know it’s true because we live together and there might have been a sighting here or there.

But this is not where my brain should be going.

Carter’s eyes flick to my face after he finally gets his seatbelt clicked. His bottom lip is glossy, like he just licked it. Soft, pink lips that are already breaking into a smile.

Jesus, why am Ilooking?

The plane tilts down, our descent starting.

Carter’s chest moves. “Are you ready, bro?”

Am I?

No.

Maybe.

I want to be.

“Uh, sure,” I say.

2

“Did I tell you orwhat?”Carter’s voice bellows over the waves.

The four of us stand with our bare feet in the warm sand, the moon streaking across the top of the water, the whites of our eyes and teeth glinting. I’ve got no clue what time it is. We snagged the last ferry to the island. The water is salty, the smell mixed with something flowery that must be coming from the fat-leafed trees behind us, white blooms glowing in the moonlight.

I drag in a deep inhale, squishing sand between my toes. There are thousands of animals hidden out there—fish and sea turtles and jellies and coral and rays and whales. All going about their business, knowing what they’re supposed to be doing.

And we’re here.

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