Page 38 of Until We Kiss

“No problem.” I squirt out some and move behind him, his shoulders warm under my palms.

“What’s with the game?” I ask quietly.

He twists to look at me over his shoulder. “You’re limping.”

“I’m good,” I say. “Gonna sit my ass here and soak in the sun.”

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, but…‍” He sucks in a sharp breath. “My partner’s Mindy.”

I didn’t know Mindy’s name, but I pull together that she’s the girl he kissed pretty fast. I squeeze out a bit too much sunblock and slide my hands down his back, my thumbs brushing over his spine, then that patch of soft hair.

Once I’m done, I click the sunblock closed and toss it on his towel. “Do you want to eat my ass or hers?”

“Yours.” He turns to face me. “No question. And I want to spend the rest of the day with you.”

“Me too.” I lick my lips. “Of course, I do.”

Hebeams. Like genuinely beams. It’s like the damn sun coming out from behind the clouds.

“You should go,” I say. “Have fun. That’s why we’re here.”

His forehead wrinkles. “If you’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Sure, sure?”

I laugh. “Go.”

He leans in fast, plants a kiss on my cheek, and then he’s bounding off with Rory and Dorian, spreading his arms and booming out a shout. I watch him go, dragging a hand down to adjust myself so shit isn’t obvious.

I drop onto the sand, stretching out my knee, and wince at the stiffness.

A breeze gusts from the ocean. There are people all around me, but it feels… quiet. I stare out toward the water, the glint of sunlight on the waves.

I rub at the side of my neck.

And it occurs to me, not for the first time, that I’m not good at being alone.

When Carter’s here, he fills all the space. Plugs that hole in my chest. So big and bright that I don’t think of anything else.

I forget.

And now he’s been gone hardly ten minutes, and everything washes back. Like getting thrown in cold water.

I swallow. I stave off the heat behind my eyes.

Something is wrong with me.

And I don’t mean just being a little offset after the surgeries and losing football. Something iswrongwith me. Like deep and insistent. And it’s not getting better.

I think… it’s getting worse.

Carter’s laugh echoes across the sand, and he pops into view for a moment. It’s not him making me feel this way.

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