Page 3 of Until We Kiss

He grins. “Birthday cake surprise!”

“Cookie dough.”

“Neapolitan ice cream.”

“Ohhh, yesss.” His lashes flutter, his head tipping back as he groans. “Or…Cinnamon roooolllls. It would be amazing. I’m so fucking jealous of butterflies now, you don’t even know.” He knocks his knee softly against mine. “Feel better?”

I look down at the hair on his leg again, still sticking out with static. “Yeah.”

There was a time I didn’t need to feel better. When I felt pretty fucking awesome all the time.

He grins as the plane banks again, a light roll of turbulence vibrating us. “I told you it’s gonna be fine. Just think about where we’re going.”

Clua.

I had to look it up when he first mentioned it, insisting that the four of us—him, Dorian, Rory, and I—head there instead of South Padre or Cancún. It’s this tiny island off the coast of Mexico. Beach and sun and sand.

Five days of being away from snow-covered Indigo Falls. It’s our last spring break together before graduation. The four of us have been friends since freshman year, getting placed in the same dorm, all of us coming from pretty different worlds.Realfriends. Different majors, different activities—none of them into football. But it didn’t seem to matter.

And yeah, I’m trying to be excited. I’m trying to be happy, like I used to be. And in order to do that, I have this…plan.

“We’re gonna do all the things.” Carter rattles activities off, a million different ones he’s researched, that big energy humming in his voice. I can’t keep up. I just watch him as he talks, his excitement billowing out, his words getting louder. All that big energy.

“Mangoes,” he’s saying, “I’m gonna eatalllllthe mangoes.” His smile falls, his brows rising again as he looks at me. “And maybe get laid?”

My heart stops. “Uh, yeah. Sounds like that would probably be…” Shit, what do I say? “Nice.”

Nice?

He grins. “It’s been a while for you?”

I clear my throat, rubbing at the side of my neck. “Yeah, sure.”

I play it off.

I always play it off.

Okay, so… technically it’s been longer than “a while.”

It’s beennever.

None of the guys know that. On the outside, I’m this big, jocky guy, decently built from football with dark brown hair and some pretty intense blue eyes. I look like someone who would chase a ball bunny around every weekend. People assume that’s exactly what I do, and I never gave any impression otherwise. But the reality is very different.

I’m a virgin. Completely.

In part because, well, the ball bunny I’d pick wouldn’t be what’s expected. I’ve known I’m gay for a while, but I’ve never acted on it.

I shift in the cramped seat, the back of my t-shirt getting sweaty. My grinning best friend is next to me. I want tokeephim as my friend. Carter’s a person I can’t picture my life without.Like I really can’t do it. And when you tell a friend you’re gay, you really don’t know what’s going to happen.

And the plan…

I thought maybe… while we’re in Clua, to try and get all this darkness out of my head, to try and get back to that easy, confident guy I used to be, I could…

I swallow, nerves popping.

But here goes…. I want to… suck a dick.

I’ve imagined it so many times. Every time I jack off. Sometimes in my dreams. What a big, beefy cock would feel like sliding into my mouth, along my tongue, warm and slippery with pre-cum. Do all guys taste the same? Would he grip his fingers into my hair?

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