Page 35 of Shea's Hero

Yes, Shea made mistakes back then, but so did I.

But if we’re going to have a chance of working things out, playing the blame game isn’t going to help, and neither will constant apologies.

Gently, I say, “I know you are. And so am I.”

Her brow wrinkles. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Oll.”

I can tell this is something we’ll have to work on—this insistence on Shea’s part that everything was her fault. Just like I’ll have to work to make sure my guilt doesn’t overshadow what I could have with Shea.

Whatcouldwe have? It’s a question that’s dogged me the last two days.

After being apart for so long, is there a possibility of getting back what we lost?

We dated for almost three years. Long enough to be in love. Long enough to think about marriage after the next promotion that would bring me back to Langley. Long enough to slow down as I passed by jewelry stores, wondering what kind of ring Shea would want.

But I was determined to stick to my plan; the one I came up with when I was still in high school and serious relationships were the last thing on my mind. I dreamed of rising up the hierarchy of the clandestine services, making a name for myself within the CIA, and eventually becoming Director one day.

Could I have made it to the top? Maybe. I had the skills—fluency in four languages, a degree in international relations, and an aptitude for covert operations. It’s possible, had I put in my time, I could have achieved my goal.

At what price, though? Already, my old job cost me so much. Time with Maya. The ability to protect her. And regardless of what Shea thinks, I know I was partly responsible for the end of our relationship.

Now we have another chance. And now that I have Shea back in my life, I’m going to do whatever I can to keep her there.

It’s like what she said the other night. That she convinced herself she was happy, that her life was enough. But all it took was seeing me again to realize it wasn’t the same.

I feel the same way. Not to diminish the good things in my life—Maya and her new little family, the job I’ve come to love, my friends, even my house that constantly seems to need something repaired—but the way I feel when I’m with Shea is different.Better.

“You know what?” I ask, more than ready to change the subject. With a glance at my watch, I continue, “Our reservations are in fifteen minutes. And it’ll take us ten to get there. So how about we get your flowers in some water and head out?”

“Oh. Yes.” Shea nods, her lips curving up again. “We don’t want to be late. Let me grab a vase and I’ll be ready in a second.” As she hurries into the kitchen, she calls over her shoulder, “Where are we going, anyway?”

“Giuseppe's. In Scarsdale. A couple of people at work told me it’s amazing.” And the menu has a large selection of choices, so hopefully there’ll be something Shea will feel comfortable eating. She said she’s doing okay, but I just want to make sure she’s not triggered by anything.

“Oh, I’ve heard of it.” Coming back into the living room, she sets the flower-filled vase on one of the end tables and hurries over to me. “One of my coworkers just went a few weekends ago and she said it was the best Italian food she’s ever had.”

“Good.” I open the front door and take a step outside, scanning the surroundings before gesturing for Shea to join me. With my hand on her back—yes, protectively, but also just because I want to touch her—I lead her to my car. “I checked out the menu online, and it looks pretty good. Plenty of choices.”

As she gets into the car, she meets my gaze. Gently, she says, “It’ll be fine, Oll. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Impossible.” Just before I shut the passenger door, I reach down to stroke my finger across her cheek. “I’ll always worry about you.”

It’s true. I worried about Shea all the time back when I was traveling. But my fears were of external threats—burglars, muggers, stalkers—not the internal ones. I thought a top-notch security system at her apartment and an array of self-defense tools would keep her safe. Stupidly, I never imagined the biggest threat to Shea would be herself.

Once I’m in the driver’s seat, Shea turns to me with a soft look in her eyes. “I’ve always worried about you, too.”

Oof.

I know she didn’t mean it in a negative way, but I have to wonder. Did the dangerous nature of my job trigger her? Even though the majority of what I did was confidential and I tried to diminish the risks of my job, Shea hadto know.

Shit.

“My job at the Sleepy Hollow PD is pretty safe,” I tell her once we’re on the road. “Just so you know. It’s rare I even arrest anyone. Most of the time, I’m just patrolling and answering calls for fender benders.”

Well. Except for some of the things Blade and Arrow’s been mixed up in. And some pretty crazy incidents involving some of my friends. Like Ian’s wife’s crazed stalker. And the crap that went down with Scarlett and Grant.

Oh. There was also Cash and Ari’s whole situation with his brother. And then there was the time the library was set on fire with Thea still in it.

But those were the exception, not the rule. Most of the time, when it comes to crime, Sleepy Hollow is just that. Sleepy. Calm. Quiet.

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