Page 32 of Shea's Hero

“It does.” Belatedly realizing I’m tugging at a loose thread on the cushion, I shove my hand beneath my leg to stop myself. “It matters, Oll.”

“Fine.” His jaw tightens. “I thought maybe you left me for someone else. And if not that, I was sure you’d find another guy, eventually.”

A lump lodges itself in my throat. Swallowing hard, I say, “That’s not why I ended things. I would never have left you for someone else.”

In the silence that follows, tension builds. My pulse is a staccato drumbeat in my head.

This is it. This is the opening. The opportunity to explain after all these years.

But I’m scared.

“Shea?” Oliver’s voice gentles. “Are you okay? I shouldn’t have said that. Not now. It’s?—”

“No. I want to tell you.” Turning towards him, I clutch my hands together in my lap. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to explain.”

His shoulders go tight. A muscle in his jaw twitches. “Explain?”

Please. Give me the courage to get through this.

“After my parents died freshman year, it was really hard,” I begin. “I had Jade, but with my parents gone, and Niall in the Army, it was… a lot. I was so scared something would happen to Niall and I’d end up completely alone.”

“Shea…”

Oliver knows the story of how my parents died. During my freshman year of college they were hit by a truck driver who was drunk on the job. Just like that, in one terrible accident, both of them gone. In the horrible aftermath, the company offered a settlement that was more than enough to pay for my college and give me and Niall a decent nest egg for the future. But that could never come close to giving us back what we lost.

“At first, I tried to keep myself so busy I wouldn’t have time to miss them. Studying. Spending time with friends. Parties. Exercising.” Lifting my gaze from my hands, I look at Oliver to see him watching me with a sympathetic expression. “But it wasn’t enough. And sophomore year, I… I developed an eating disorder.”

Startled, Oliver’s eyebrows jump up.

“I know. I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell Niall, either. Jade noticed something was off, and she pushed me to go to a counselor on campus. So I did. And I worked hard to get past it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it was over. After college, I was fine. Mostly. Sometimes when I got really stressed about something, I’d start skipping meals. Work out more than usual. But it never lasted more than a couple of weeks and then I was back to normal.”

“Okay…” His lips press together. “But?”

This is the hard part.

“I had a relapse. Back when… when we were together. Towards the end.”

“Shea.”

Taking a deep breath, I let out the rest in a rush. “It was after you got the promotion and were traveling a lot. Not that it was your fault. It wasn’t. But that last winter we were together was when it started. First, it wasn’t that bad. I thought I had it under control. But then spring came around, and it got… worse.”

Flatly, Oliver says, “When I wasn’t there.”

I nod. “During your last trip, when you were gone for months. That’s when it got really bad.”

“How bad?”

My chest squeezes. “Pretty bad.”

“Shea.” Oliver moves closer on the couch. “If you’re going to tell me, tell me everything.”

“I wasn’t eating. I just exercised all the time, and took stimulants to keep my energy up.” Catching his frown, I explain defensively, “I know it was dumb. Unsafe. But at the time… I couldn’t see past the mess in my head. Losing weight—it seemed so important back then.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

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