Page 28 of Shea's Hero

Fuck.

I can’t leave things like this.

“Shea.” She won’t look at me, so I gentle my voice as I ask, “Can you look at me? For just a second?”

Reluctantly, she meets my gaze. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“It’s okay. It’s… nothing I don’t deserve.”

Oh.

Instinct wants me to pull her into my arms. Hug her. Do whatever I can to take away the sadness in her eyes. To make her smile like she did when she first saw me in the lobby.

But instead, I say, “No. I was wrong. You apologized and I should have accepted it. Not been an ass about it. And I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Oll.” She gives me a wobbly smile. “I understand.”

But once I’m back in my car headed home, I’m not sure I can say the same thing.

Not about any of it.

There are too many things not adding up.

How sad she looked. Not just sad, but devastated.

Why did she give up on journalism when she was so determined to make a go of it? Back in Virginia, I’d help her edit her pieces so they’d be ready to send out as samples. She had a whole plan. Get a job at a small publication in DC and hopefully, one day, work her way up to the Washington Post.

What happened?

Why did she move to New York so soon after we broke up?

Why does she still keep the things I bought her on display in her house? Right in her living room, where she can see them every day?

Just as I’m about to turn into my own driveway, another thought strikes me.

For years, I’ve thought she was hiding something from me. Some unknown reason why she ended our relationship so abruptly.

But I wasn’t there. Towards the end, I was gone for weeks, even months at a time.

Shea always claimed she was fine. That she could handle being apart. She would say, “I love you, Oll. I’m not going anywhere. Just stay safe and come back to me.”

But things obviously weren’t fine.

And maybe if I’d prioritized Shea over my job, I would have noticed.

Maybe it was something I could have fixed.

Shit.

I can’t go back. Can’t be there for Shea and Maya like I should have been.

But.

Shea wouldn’t have reacted like that if she didn’t still care.

Just like I do. Even after all these years.

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