Page 20 of Shea's Hero

And anyway,shebroke up with me.

I’m sure her offer to stay longer was only to be polite.

But.

If that’s true, then why did she look so sad when I left?

CHAPTER 5

SHEA

I haven’t felt this bad in years.

Not physically sick, although my stomach has been doing acrobatics ever since Oliver came over last night. And I’m more tired than usual, but that’s no doubt attributed to the hours I spent staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping.

No. This yucky feeling is all in my head and heart.

It all started when I saw Oliver at the Hop-less Horseman and went downhill from there. All the emotions I thought I had a handle on—guilt, sorrow, and aching regret—came right back the moment I set eyes on him. And with them, this desperate wish that things were different. ThatI’ddone things differently.

When I think back to how I told Jade I was moving on, even dating, I feel like a fraud. I didn’twantto date those men, but I thought it was something I should do to prove I was over my ex.

What a joke. I felt more in the ten minutes Oliver was here last night than in all those dates combined.

And while he was here, telling me he was worried and wanted to check on me in person, I made a critical mistake.

I let myself hope. Just for a second, I thought there might be a chance to fix things.

How stupid was that?

After what I did to Oliver, it’s no wonder he basically sprinted out of my house after I asked him to stay.

What was I thinking? That he’d want to hang out? Order dinner and watch a movie like we used to? Talk about our lives and all the things we missed hearing about over the last four years?

Anyway, for all I know, Oliver has a girlfriend. A fiancée. He could even have a wife, though I didn’t see a ring. But if he’d just gotten off his shift, he might not wear it on duty. His wedding band could be sitting at home on a dresser in the bedroom he shares with his beautiful wife who never ripped out his heart and stomped on it.

Ugh. I’m supposed to go to work and meet with a new client to discuss a series of e-learning modules. Not sit here obsessing about my ex.

And speaking of work…

The little alert on my phone chimes, letting me know someone’s at the door. A glance at the little video display shows Nora standing on the front step, her red hair woven into a long braid, her posture alert and her gaze constantly moving. Searching for a possible threat, I’m sure, just like Niall always does when we’re out anywhere.

As I grab my lunch bag, I activate the intercom on my phone and say, “I’ll be right there, Nora. One second.”

Unbothered, she replies, “No rush, Shea. Take your time.”

But I won’t. I already feel guilty about making Niall’s teammates drive out here to take me to work and back. The last thing I want is to make Nora wait.

Hurrying to the door, I unlatch the three complicated locks Leo installed on top of the regular ones I already had. While they take a while to manage, I do feel much better because ofthem. Because while I assured Niall and Jade and Oliver that I’mtotally fine, that’s not quite the truth.

I may also be tired because of the whopper of a nightmare I had last night. A nightmare where my attempts to stop the two men were thwarted easily, one of them shooting me while the other grabbed Jade and threw her in the van. I woke up on a muffled scream after that, still half caught in the dream and convinced I’d failed my best friend and brother.

So yeah, I’m not at my best today.

A point brought home by the concern in Nora’s eyes as soon as she sees me. Her eyes narrow just the slightest bit, quickly assessing, before she shifts to a bright smile. “Hi, Shea. How are you doing today? Everything at the house alright?”

As she hustles me to her car, I flash what I hope is a convincing smile at her. “I’m good. Everything at the house is great. No problems at all. Thanks for picking me up. How are you doing?”

Hmm. That might have beentooenthusiastic.

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