Page 99 of Shifting Tides

“Okay, I got this,” I said with confidence.

I stepped into the pool, and the scales under my skin reacted instantly to the salt water. I found it hard to imagine actually being able to stop the shift. My tail was out in seconds, the sharp agony of the transformation mercifully brief.

Celeste stayed at the edge of the pool, dangling her perfectly creamy and unshifted feet in the water to prove to me that it was possible.

I still hadn’t quite figured out how to keep my gills closed and had to submerge my face after only a few seconds so I wouldn’t suffocate. I took a deep breath under the water and held it, so I could resurface and await further instruction.

“Having trouble breathing?” Celeste guessed as she took in my pursed lips.

I nodded stiffly.

“Then we’ll let that be the first lesson—keeping your gills closed when you want to breathe above the water. Class won’t be very productive if your brain is suffering from oxygen deprivation.”

She giggled in anI’m-laughing-with-you-not-at-yousort of way, but I still felt slightly mortified for it.

“First, exhale and let all the water out of your windpipe,” Celeste instructed.

I breathed out, feeling the water pour out of my gills.

“Good, now focus on your neck and command your gills to close. It can feel kind of like trying to make your ears move at first, like a muscle that just wasn’t meant to move voluntarily, but once you’ve found those small muscles, you’ll be able to control them with ease.”

I nodded and, still holding my breath, closed my eyes and focused on my gills. I concentrated on my neck, becoming very aware of the exact spot where the gills were slit open. They felt dry and parched, like lips that were chapped and needed constant licking. They stung from the open air.

I strained just about every muscle in my neck trying to close them, until finally I had to take a breath and dunked myself under the water to inhale sharply. I coughed from the burning draught in my throat and gills, grateful that the cool water I filled myself with relieved it quickly. After I caught my breath, I inhaled deeply to resurface and try again.

I didn’t know how many times we had gone through this exercise, but eventually, I managed to hone in on those tiny muscles and got them to close my gills. I let out the breath I’d been holding and let the naked air fill my lungs. The unfiltered air burned my throat, making me swallow several times to soothe it. It was uncomfortable but tolerable.

“Very good, Arya!” Celeste praised. “The sting will take some getting used to, but after a while, you won’t even notice it.”

I cleared my throat in vain. “It feels like I have strep.” I grimaced as another swallow made my throat ache.

“I promise, it will get easier,” Celeste said. “We’ll take a short break and let you adjust before we start on controlling your shift.”

I nodded and allowed my breathing to return to normal. My throat hurt so much that I wanted to chug the entire pool. But I was afraid that if I let my gills open, I wouldn’t be able to close them again.

I looked around the room, trying to distract myself from the discomfort. The other mer students were just lounging about, gathered in groups, and chatting as they floated. It was a stark reminder of how far behind I was. All of them had been in water their whole lives. They’d learned all these things I was struggling to figure out in the cradle.

I had tried so hard not to blame Mom for keeping me from growing up as a mermaid, but at this moment, I couldn’t help but feel resentment, which only made the guilt that much stronger.

Why couldn’t Mom have at least told me what I was? Whatever she was running from, I could have understood, if given the chance. Why keep this whole part of who we were from me? From herself? While keeping me in the dark, she also gave up shifting. Now that I knew how freeing it felt, I couldn’t imagine giving it up, especially for two decades.

What were you hiding from, Mom? What was so bad that you were willing to give this up?

“Feeling better?” Celeste asked when she came back my way.

Nope, not even slightly.

“Yeah,” I lied. “Let’s do this.”

“Good! Okay, we’ll take this slow. First, I just want you to practice changing your legs back as quickly as you can when you get out. Once you’ve shortened that time, we’ll work on keeping them from changing at all.”

I nodded and lifted myself out of the pool, once again pushing my thoughts to the side.

***

Not counting my meager accomplishment with closing my gills, the rest of Transformation continued with little progress in controlling my shifting.

I tried to remind myself that this was only my second time in Transformation class, and that expecting myself to learn this stuff any faster was just setting me up to fail. But it was hard to keep things in perspective when I wanted so badly to master all of it. I could tell that Celeste and Caesar expected me toexcel at being a mermaid, and those expectations weighed heavily on me, too.

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