Page 53 of Her Fearless Ronin

I swallowed hard, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “What if they’re leaving to protect you?”

Violet’s gaze held mine, and she sighed softly. “Hoka told me not to meddle, but I can’t help myself. When someone wants to leave you, it could be their way of showing love, misguided as it might be. They might believe that it’s the best thing for you, even if it breaks their own heart.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I hastily wiped it away. I would not embarrass myself in front of a woman I’d just met.

Violet’s voice lowered, carrying a touch of sadness. “Leaving behind yourkoi no yokanis one of the hardest things. It’s a Japanese term for the feeling you have when you first meet someone and know that, someday, you will love them. It’s like a premonition of love. But sometimes, life has its own plans, even when we’re not ready to accept them.”

I was startled by the unfamiliar term, my curiosity piqued. “Koi no yokan?”

Violet seemed a bit embarrassed by her slip, but she smiled gently. “It’s a concept that’s quite personal. Hoka believes that you and Jiro are soul mates. Based on Jiro’s actions, he’s convinced of it. That’s probably why he’s trying to protect you in his own, albeit misguided, way.”

My heart ached at Violet’s words. Soul mates? It sounded like something out of a fairy tale. “But he’s going to leave, he told me. How can that be love?”

Violet reached out and touched my hand, her eyes filled with understanding. “Sometimes, people believe that byleaving, they’re giving the greatest gift. They might think they’re sparing you from pain or danger. It’s a twisted way of loving, but it’s still love.”

“I don’t want that.”

“No, I didn’t think you would.” She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “That man is laden with emotional scars, just like my Hoka. And…” She made a rueful face. “Jiro and I didn’t exactly start on the best footing, but one thing I know is that he’s highly honorable and incredibly stubborn. Now he’s returning as Hoka’swakagashira.”

“Is that so?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but the idea both pleased and saddened me. I knew how much he missed his previous life. Of course, he would return to it.

She sighed. “He hadn’t told you, had he?” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth before letting it go with a sigh. “I’m really making a mess of things, aren’t I?” she muttered under her breath. “Hoka told me to leave it alone, but I think I helped with Alessandro and Lily, I thought…” She shook her head and stuffed another small sandwich in her mouth.

I couldn’t help but smile; this woman was so much more like me than I could have ever comprehended. I also had the gift to put my foot where I shouldn’t.

“He probably would have told me, but I was busy yesterday taking my mother to the center and all.” I shrugged; he probably waited for this mess to be settled before telling me. Not that he owed me an explanation. We’re not together or anything. He didn’t make a commitment.

Lord knows I didn’t need that to be completely addicted tothe man.

Violet looked at me silently as she drank her hot chocolate.

“Not that I don’t appreciate his help and your husband’s help with my brother’s mess,” I added quickly, hoping she didn’t misunderstand my words and thought I was ungrateful.

She smiled, and it looked like it carried so many secrets. “You know my husband, he’s not perfect. He’s a loving husband and doting father, but outside of our bubble, he’s as ruthless as they come, you know? He’s not very charitable. He doesn’t just help people for the sake of helping them.”

“Okay…” I was not sure where she was going with that.

Her smile widened. “What I’m trying to say is that Hoka is helping because Jiro is family and because you’re not just anyone. You’ve probably already noticed that Jiro can be quite stubborn and too caught up in his own self-blame to hear reason.”

I snorted, and she chuckled. “He asked Hoka for help,” she continued, looking at me expectantly as if I should catch on to what she was hinting at.

“I know, and I really appreciate it,” I replied.

She rolled her eyes. “No, Hope, you’re not getting it. Jiro Saito asked Hoka for help to protectyou. I don’t care about what he says or doesn’t say, and subtlety be damned. Jiro loves you, whether he’s aware of it or not.”

This revelation caught me off guard, my heart racing wildly in my chest. Jiro loving me? Could that even be possible? I was well aware he cared for me, sure, but he had never reciprocated when I confessed my love to him duringour most intimate moments.

I think Violet had left out a crucial variable in her equation—the immense guilt that Jiro felt for my sister’s death and the overwhelming sense of debt he believed he owed.

“My sister died twelve years ago,” I disclosed, trying to keep my voice steady despite the emotional weight of the memory.

Violet’s expression turned somber. “I know.”

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I was barely ten back then, and Anna was looking after me for the day on campus when I saw Jiro for the first time. He came to see her on campus as a surprise. They’d only been seeing each other for a few weeks then. I had an instant crush on him and did my best to be around whenever he was there. I was a little stalker,” I admitted with a humorless chuckle. “Of course, I was too young to understand what was happening. My sister started receiving threatening notes, and Jiro was worked up, saying it might be the yakuza unhappy about his involvement with an outsider.” I shrugged. “I didn’t grasp the gravity of it—yakuza, threats—it was all beyond me. All I cared about was that beautiful man I was convinced I’d marry someday.” I shook my head at my naive younger self.

Violet listened attentively, her calm presence making it easier to share one of my most painful memories.

“I wasn’t even supposed to be there that day. Leo was angry with Anna—he always was those days—and he took me to her place to disrupt her date with Jiro. He dropped me off at the bottom of her building, and when I got up there, the door was open. Jiro and Anna were arguing. I don’t know what it wasabout, but he stormed out, and she followed him. I don’t think she even saw me standing there, and that was the last time I saw her alive.”

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