Page 61 of Her Fearless Ronin

Hoka’s presence was silent but strong as he took a seat beside me. We sat in silence, two old friends lost in their own worlds. The weight of his gaze was palpable, and I knew he had something to say.

“I’ve missed you, Jiro,” Hoka began. His voice soft, filled with genuine emotion. “Not just as mywakagashira, but as my brother, my confidant.”

I turned to look at him, meeting his earnest eyes. “I’ve missed this too,” I admitted. “But there’s a part of me that’s still back there, with her.”

Hoka sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I see it, you know. The way you look off into the distance, the way your face changes when you think of her. Hope has left an indelible mark on you.”

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. “I left to protect her, to give her a chance at a normal life.”

Hoka’s gaze was unwavering. “But did you ever give herthe choice? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, she wanted a life with you, regardless of the complications?”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Had I been so blinded by my sense of duty that I never considered what Hope truly wanted?

“She deserves better,” I whispered, my voice breaking.

Hoka placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Maybe she does. But she also deserves a say in her own life. And maybe, just maybe, she chooses you.”

The weight of his words settled in, and for the first time in weeks, a glimmer of hope stirred inside me.

Hoka’s gaze softened, a vulnerability peeking through that I had rarely seen. “If you want to leave and be with her, I wouldn’t blame you,” he said, his voice sincere.

I scoffed, finding it hard to believe. Hoka, with his unwavering dedication to our legacy, contemplating leaving it all behind? It seemed impossible.

He caught my disbelief and chuckled softly. “I did, Jiro. When I thought I was going to lose Violet, I offered to leave everything. And I meant every word.”

I looked at him, taken aback. Hoka and Violet’s love story was legendary within our circles, but I never realized the depth of his feelings. “You would have given up the legacy? Just like that?”

Hoka nodded, his eyes distant as he remembered. “Violet is my world. Choosing her, choosingus, was the only choice that made sense. Our legacy, our duty, it means nothing if you don’t have someone to share it with.”

I felt a pang in my heart, thinking of Hope. The nights we shared, the dreams we built, all of it came rushing back.

Hoka seemed to sense my turmoil. “Listen, Jiro,” he began, his voice firm, “If you want to bring her here, to our home. She is most welcome, and I know Violet is eager to have another woman here with her, but if you want to be in Seattle with her, I can put you in charge there. I could use a man like you in Seattle. If you decide to leave to be with her, there will be no hard feelings. Only understanding.”

I let out a deep sigh, the weight of my past influencing any decision. “It’s not that simple, Hoka. I was her sister’s boyfriend, and when I knew her, she was merely a child. It feels like… I shouldn’t feel the way I feel.”

Hoka looked at me for a second before turning toward the pond again. “You were. But that feels like a lifetime ago. Times change, Jiro. People change. I changed, and I know you did, too. We were what, twenty-one at the time? Fuck, we knew nothing about the men we would become.”

I turned to him, grappling with the little line of hope he was throwing my way. “Do you really believe it could work? After everything? There was a time when I believed it could work with Anna, too. Until she demanded I change, and the fight caused her to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I will not make the same mistake with Hope. She is my heart and soul. If she ended up resenting this life, resenting me… I don’t think I could survive.”

“Then let her in. Be honest with her. Trust her to make the right decision for herself. But don’t push her away out of fear. That’s not fair to either of you.”

I met his gaze. “I love her, Hoka. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And the thought of losing her, of her getting hurt because of me… it terrifies me.”

“She’s yourikigai, isn’t she?”

The termikigai, a Japanese concept meaning “a reason for being,” struck a chord deep within me. I fought it with all my might, but I had lost, and I had to admit it to myself and to both of us.

I nodded. “Yes, she is,” I admitted with finality.

Hoka clapped a hand on my shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring. “Then trust in that. Our ancestors have a way of guiding us. They don’t make mistakes. I doubted them once and almost destroyed my relationship with the love of my life. Don’t do that. Hope deserves to have a say in her own future. And if she chooses you, then you owe it to her and to yourself to fight for that love. No matter the cost.” He let out a low chuckle. “Speaking of the love of my life, Violet wanted me to share her brother’s story with Lily.”

The realization dawned on me, and I couldn’t help but smirk. “Violet put you up to this, didn’t she?”

Hoka laughed, his eyes shining with amusement. “Of course she did. She’s the heart and soul of our family, always looking out for everyone, and she worries about you and Hope.”

I leaned back on the bench, a wry smile playing on my lips. Violet was giving me far more consideration than I deserved. “Considering she’s not my biggest fan, that’s quite the gesture.” And I couldn’t blame her for it either. I cost her…themso much. I would hate me if I were her.

You already do.

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