Page 2 of Her Fearless Ronin

They filled my head, my life, and my decisions. This past was haunting me and influencing me far more than I thought.

I’d almostcaused the irreparable and destroyed the life of the person I cared about the most, my best friend, my soul brother, and the head of the yakuza, Hoka Nishimura.

I had no other choice but to sacrifice the little peace I had left by my best friend’s side to right some of my wrongs, but I was not sure it was enough, not when my actions revealed how haunted I was and how skewed my vision was, and I knew I had to start with my first true haunting moment.

I shook my head, trying to forget about Hoka for a few minutes as I opened the crooked side gates and followed the path up to her.

I stopped in front of the well-kept pink granite headstone.

Anna Myers, daughter, sister, friend. Gone too soon, but never forgotten.

Gone too soon…She was fuckingnineteen. It was a tragedy, and it was all on my head.

“Hi, Anna,” I whispered as the pain I felt restricted my lungs, preventing me from breathing right. I’d almost condemned Hoka to the same life of bitter regrets I live every day, where every breath was a striking reminder that I was still there when she wasn’t.

I kneeled on the dry grass and adjusted my sunglasses. I’d never spent much time in Washington state, but I was pretty sure that sunny days were rare. Was it her way of welcoming me here?

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit often. I…” I cleared my throat. “I was not welcome.” That was the understatement of the century. Hoka had told me not to go to her funeral, but I loved her, and I wanted to say goodbye, which ended up in a full-on brawl with Leo, her twin brother.

It was thefirst time I’d let someone hit me; I hoped that each of the blows Leo landed would ease the pain in my heart and soul, but it didn’t. If anything, it only made it worse, and I hated spoiling her funeral. I hated how people looked at me and how some of them probably thought it was partly her fault for being involved with someone like me.

I just looked at her grave for a few seconds, not really sure what I could say. I came here on an impulse after leaving Hoka’s side, realizing that despite over ten years passing by, I was still very much influenced in my decisions by her death.

“I have countless deaths on my soul, you know. Some from even before we met, but none of them, none, weigh on me the way yours does.” I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling so much older than I was. The weariness was anchored deep in my bones, and once again, I felt a flash of anger toward Hoka for saving my life instead of leaving me to bleed out on the street beside her.

“I’m not sure why I came,” I admitted, resting my hand on the cool, soft surface. “I can’t ask you for forgiveness, and I wouldn’t want you to give it to me. I don’t deserve it, but, Anna, despite how unfair it is, I need to make it right in some way. I need to…” I could feel my eyes prickle with unwanted tears. I’d cried a total of three times in my life.

The first time was when my mother passed away when I was four. The second was during a dumb game with Hoka when I fell out of a tree and broke my arm and leg at age eight. And the last time had been when I woke up from my injury to discover that my Anna was dead… I was twenty-two.

I swallowed hard through the lump of sorrow. I did not deserve that sorrow, the sadness—I didn’t deserve to express it or feel better, not when I’d cut her life short. A life so full of potential and unaccomplished dreams.

I didn’t deserve the relief, the atonement of these sins, and yet this was exactly why I was here.

It was ridiculous, really; I knew that. It was not like she could just appear and tell me what to do to right my wrongsif it was even possible.

How could you ever make amends for taking the life of an innocent? How could you…

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

I tensed at the feminine, raspy voice behind me. The voice carried a certain relief, showing it couldn’t be for me.

Who would be relieved to see me here? Kneeling on the grave of the woman I’d unwittingly killed. I may not have fired the gun that killed her, but it was just like I had. She’d no business being in my world, and I took her all the same.

“Jiro?” I kept my eyes on the grave despite hearing my name. It could only be one person, the only person who didn’t judge me or hate me despite her pain of losing Anna.

I was unsure if it had been due to how young she’d been at the time, just a child really, or because she had the same infinite goodness as her sister.

“Please.” Her voice broke, and I had no choice but to face her.

I turned my head to the side slowly, and I connected with a pair of light-purple Doc Martens boots. I let my eyes trail up bare calves to a fifties-style black dress with lilac hearts.

I continued until I reached her face and her wavy lilac hair drifting in the cool wind. I let out a sigh of relief, realizing she looked nothing like Anna.

“Hope,” I acknowledged as I took in her features in more detail. She was still as colorful as she had been as a child, but she was not a child anymore; she was a woman—a young woman whom I had no business looking at.

“You remember me?” she asked with incredulity as if it were impossible.

How would I ever forget her? She’d been nothing less than a ray of sunshine. Hope… I’d never seen a name fit a person as well as it did her, even when she was a ten-year-old kid.

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