Page 30 of The Devils of Saint City

“Can I shower?” I ask softly. “Not that I don’t love being a human cumrag, I figure you two don’t want cold jizz in your eggs.”

“Speak for him,” Manson jokes, tossing me a wink. “I need one too so let’s go. We’ll take one together.”

Asher seems to still be in a daze as he nods, the words obviously not truly sinking in, but he turns away without protest and disappears into his room.

I guess he’s done being nice.

11

Asher

I’m still pretty fucked up as Manson drives us to work. I’d be an idiot to believe anything when it comes to that girl, but I don’t have a doubt in my mind that she wanted me to come inside of her.

But why?

Why would she want something so goddamn intimate with me? The power? She saw how weak I was when it came to fucking her, and she wanted to feel like she’d won something. That has to be it.

But the question remains... why was I so fucking weak? Seeing her laid out getting feasted on did something to me. I felt like I’d lose my damn mind if I didn’t claim her after. Goddamnit, I’ve let her too far under my skin, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Manson keeps glancing over at me like he’s waiting for me to speak, but I still have nothing to say. I could never admit how good that was for me or how fucking her while she’s awake was better than all my fantasies, so I try my hardest to avoid the topic at all and focus on the job we have to get done. “Did you bring the Sway?”

“Of course I did. I’m not trying to get shot again,” he mumbles, fingers spread as he turns the wheel with his palm. “I have more than enough for the three of them.”

My mind begins to drift again as he speaks, but I pull myself back to the present before he can tell. “Good. You were grazed this time, ya big baby,” I tease. “At least it wasn’t like the time we had to drive across state lines with a hole in your shoulder. Now that’s a time you actually got shot.”

“Yeah, and it pissed me off because it fucked with my tattoo. Damn thing still looks screwy.”

“It looks fine. You can only tell when you’re looking for it, and I’m the only person who gets that close to you anyway.”

Or I used to be.

He nods a little, tensing up. “About earlier...”

Here we go.

“Which part?”

“You’re mad at me for eating her out, I can see it. I couldn’t help it. She fucking apologized and looked at me like—” he shakes his head — “I couldn’t help it.”

A chuckle bursts out of me before I can fight it. “I’m actually not,” I admit. “You have every right to use our pet however you need to. That’s why she’s ours, right?”

I can’t tell if I sound convincing enough, so I glance over to read his face, but all I see is hesitation.

“That’s the thing, Ash. I wasn’t using her.”

I feel my jaw tense even though I’m trying to play it cool. “Yeah, I got that vibe.” I rub the tension out with a sigh. “Say what you’re thinking. Did you like not using her and just sharing a moment like that? Because if you did, I’m not going to tell you not to. I want you happy here.”

He shrugs, looking as uncomfortable as I feel. “I don’t want you to think you’re not enough for me. It’s not like she’ll ever love me anyway.”

“She might,” I answer honestly, something weird tightening in my gut I refuse to look closer at. “I know I’m enough for you, alright? But don’t hold yourself back with her for me.”

I say that, but deep down I know the only reason he’s held back at all is because of how I’ve reacted to things. Why is all of this so confusing? I mean the words I’m saying, yet each one of them comes with a heaviness I don’t understand.

“And you? Did you feel like you were using her today?”

“Of course I was.” Lie. It’s so fucking bitter on my tongue I can’t stop myself from releasing a frustrated growl. “Fuck... was I?”

He’s the only person in the world I feel comfortable to be vulnerable around, and it still sucks.

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