Page 73 of Sorrow

Turns out the reason I couldn’t find him in the rubble is because someone else already did.

Dropping to the floor in a heap, I stare at the stupid pet rock that meant so much to me and barely hold myself together. Tears fill my eyes and sting my nose as I clutch him to my chest, and then the worst thing imaginable happens.

I hear Hayes sit up behind me.

“Samara,” he croaks, one eye still closed as he takes me in, and I see the moment he truly wakes when they both snap open. “You’re crying.”

Oh, fucking hell. He wasn’t supposed to see this.

I nearly throw the damn thing at him.

“Why’d you take him?” I ask, louder than I meant to. “Why?”

He flinches like I struck him. “I don’t know.” For once there’s no filter between us, just two exhausted people being laid bare before each other. “I guess I didn’t want youto be without him forever... but I wanted to see how you’d fare thinking you didn’t have him anymore.” Hayes glances down at my hands before he finishes. “Maybe you’d lean on me instead.”

Maybe I’m too tired for this, too emotional. Did that motherfucker just say he was jealous of a rock? A rock. A fuckingrock.

My head swims as I rub my eyes. “Try again. I might believe you if it happened yesterday, but that fire was weeks ago. The night you were ready to leave me out in the cold because you hated me so much. Did you take him so I wouldn’t find him?”

“I never hated you, Samara. I was just holding onto the stupid thing for a while, and then we got closer and you didn’t need anything but what I provided — I don’t fucking understand this shit, okay?” Hayes runs his hand through his hair, thoroughly fucking it up so it matches how we’re both feeling inside. Ruined. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Bullshit,” I snap, scrambling to my feet. Being on the ground down below him makes me feel too vulnerable. “You know exactly what you’re doing, you’re just too much of a coward to admit it.”

Frowning, he stares up at me like he’s not getting it, but deep down we both know he does. “What do you want me to fucking say? That I’m falling for you?”

“If that’s the truth, then yes!” I yell, gripping Rocky so tightly, my hand cramps. “But don’t you dare say it if it’s not true, Hayes. I’ll keep fucking you for money if that’s all this is, that’s fine. I just... I can’t handle all the mixed fucking signals.”

His heavy breathing is all I hear for a moment, the steady rise and fall of his chest all I see as he slowly deflates before me, and then finally holds out a hand. “Come here.” He pauses to meet my gaze. “Please.”

My nerves feel like they’re on fire as I force my feet to move closer, closer until I’m so close to him, I can feel his heavy breaths on my face. “Say it. Say the words.”

Swallowing thickly, Hayes leans his forehead against mine and takes a breath. “I never imagined I’d be your hero and I was fine with that. I was fine living in your shadows and ensuring you had thick enough skin to survive this world. I thought I’d be okay when you found the man that was meant to be your hero — the one who would treat you how you deserve — because I showed you how shitty guys are and madeyou refuse to settle for anything less. I didn’t realize me holding you at arms’ length would only make me dig my fingers into your skin to keep you close, regardless of whether or not you hated me. I don’t know when things changed from protectiveness to obsession. All I know is somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing you as Boo’s little sister and began seeing you as the woman you are. And all that has done is make me crave you more. I don’t want anyone else to be your hero, Samara. I want it to beme.”

Fuck. If I ever stop shaking, it’ll be a miracle. But this feels right. It feels like the truth, after years of misdirection and lies. It feels like clarity.

“I never needed a hero, Hayes. And I never needed someone to toughen me up, this town did that well enough. I needed someone to be gentle. To be kind. To show me there was more to life than doing whatever you had to in order to survive. That this world could still be soft, even when all it ever showed me was jagged edges and razor sharp corners. Do you understand?”

To my surprise, he nods. “Do you believe I can ever be that for you?”

Before my life turned upside down, I’d have said no. Laughed in his face, actually.Flipped him off with both hands and walked away, never to look back. The Hayes I grew up with was sorrow personified. But when I really force myself to think about it, the only true moments of peace I’ve known in years have been with him.

“Yes,” I answer quietly. “I do.”

“You’re already everything I’ve ever needed... I want to be that for you too. Don’t let me off the hook if I fail you for even a moment.”

If nothing else, he’s woken up the side of me that isn’t afraid to be loud. I won’t let him fail me, because I’ll never fail myself again. I’m not sure where this leaves me and my plans to get out of Cape Frost forever, but what Idoknow... is that I’m finally ready to see what happens next instead of trying to dictate it.

“Alright then, Sarro. I guess we’re doing this for real then.” Leaning up, I cup his cheek with my hand and kiss him softly. “Let’s see if we can break this curse once and for all.”

31

Boo

Sometimes, enough is enough.

If they want to fuck with my sister, I’ll show them what malice really looks like.

“Give me the fucking side cutters,” I growl, holding out my hand to the only person other than Hayes I’ve trusted with this mess. I’ve known Reeve Malace since we were kids, but always peripherally. We played on the same Little League team back when Cape Frost actually had one, dated best friends a few years back, and attended the Police Academy together for a bit until he decided he was too much of a pyro to do anything but fight fire.

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