Page 51 of Sorrow

I’m stopped twice by people I sort of recognize, though I excuse myself quickly and find Nate by a table full of ice buckets, bottles of liquor, two kegs, and a pitcher of what looks like jungle juice. These guys really aren’t fucking around.

“Sammy,” he grins, throwing a meaty arm over my shoulder and nearly crushing me. “You need a drink or twelve. What do ya want?”

I want to get this over with.

“Ah, I was pregaming earlier,” I lie. “For a different party. I want something else right now.” Sliding my hand down, I cup his dick and squeeze lightly, making sure he knows exactly what I’m talking about. “Don’t you?”

His eyes flutter as he nods quickly. “Yeah, yep. Let’s go upstairs.”

The noise around us fades as I follow him. That was almost too easy, underwhelming even. Hayes would’ve made me beg. I bet even in a room full of people like that, he’d have had me on my knees kissing the head of his cock to prove I wanted it.

Nate just... caved.

I suppose that’ll make my life easier once we’re out of here. I can keep him in line, keep him interested. Keep him happy just long enough to land a good job and get my own place. It hits me as he closes his bedroom door behind me that I’m setting him up for heartbreak if this works — he’ll fall for me thinking we’re truly together, and then I’ll leave him because he never meant anything to me. But maybe I’ll surprise us both before it’s over. Maybe I’ll fall for him too.

“You ready?” he asks, stumbling as he kicks his shoes off and tries to get out of his jeans. “Take your clothes off, I’ve been dying to see what your body looks like.”

Okay, I can work with this. A little desire and a lot of delusion never hurt anyone.

I strip down to that lingerie and expect him to love it, but he just shakes his head. “No, no. You look great, but keep going. I wanna see all of you.”

Well, at least I didn’t pay for it. Huffing quietly, I slide it off my body and stand there like a zoo animal as he gawks at me.

“Yeah, you’re fucking hot, Sammy. Knew you would be. C’mere, show me all the shit you learned getting ready for me.”

I wish I could say his arrogance is a turn off, but it’s not really arrogance if he’s 100% correct. Ididlearn for him, no matter how pathetic that seems right now. Compared to Hayes, Nate is... soft. Not in a bad way, it’s just different. Years of playing football have given him muscle, for sure, but not in the same way. Hayes is cold, lean, powerful. Nate looks like a gym bro who eats a few too many carbs to ever be cut. He’d be great to cuddle with, but... okay. I have to stop comparing him to Hayes. That’s over with now, as it should be.

The pang in my chest says otherwise as I sink to my knees in front of the wrong man. My heart pounds too fast, my fingers don’t want to work. It feels like the first time all over again, just in a soul-crushing, terrible way.

I don’t want to do this.

Ihaveto do this.

Leaning in, I have the tip of his unpierced cock two inches from my mouth when he stops me. “Wait, wait. We need to be quiet, okay? My girl’s out there.”

His fuckingwhat?

Pausing, I meet his eyes from the ground. “Sorry? Who?”

“Annalise, my girlfriend. We just started dating like a month ago, it’s not serious.”

“Does she know it’s not serious?” I push.

The look in his eyes tells me no. “I’ve wanted you too bad to say no, Sammy. It’s not my fault. Just come on, put it in your mouth.”

His girlfriend is downstairs. Maybe I should be the type of person who should care about that, but I don’t think I am. No one in this town has ever given a fuck about me, so why should I care about them? I’ve learned enough to know I’m good at this. I’m probably better at it than she is. How hard could it be to steal him from her?

It takes me a second too long to filter through those thoughts.

“Fine, I’ll put it in for you. Fucking tease.”

He grabs the back of my head and shoves his cock in my mouth, gagging me so badly I nearly throw up. It’s easily two inches shorter than Hayes and shouldn’t be a problem for me, buteverything about this is wrong. It’s the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong man. The wrong headspace. He’s done nothing to ease me into it. Nothing to make me want him too. Nothing to make me want to sacrifice the air in my lungs to bring him pleasure.

Hayes fucking Sarro ruined me.

“I thought you said you were good at this?” he snaps, and I realize in that moment that I really, truly am cursed. I can bring Hayes to his knees with a single flick of my tongue, but I can’t suck the cock of some random fucking loser toliterallysave my own life. All those carefully laid plans, lowering myself to ask someone I hated for help, the ways I’ve bent and twisted who I am just to have a chance to get out and I blow it in the fourth quarter.

Funny choice of words, given that blowing it seems to be my problem right now.

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