Page 30 of Sorrow

“I’m fucking sticky, are we done?”

The disappointment in his eyes as he stands says more than his mouth ever will, and without a word he moves to grab a washcloth to wipe up some of his cum. But he doesn’t actually clean me. I still feel how sticky I am everywhere it landed when he steps away. “Don’t shower. I want to smell me on you, and if you can get out of that pretty head and obey me... I’ll fuck you.”

Something tells me it’s a power trip thing for him. He doesn’t give a shit how I smell, he just wants to prove he can keep me miserable even when he’s bringing me pleasure.

But he said the magic words. Maybe this is almost over. “You’ve known me my entire life. I’ll never get out of my own head, but I will do better at hiding it. Deal?”

Rolling his eyes, Hayes tucks himself away. “I’ve gotten you there, you just fight it the second you feel vulnerable.”

“Maybe that’s because you’ve picked at every insecurity I’ve ever had, poured gasoline on them and lit them on fire. I’m doing my best.”

“Okay,” he whispers a little impatiently. “If you’re doing your best then I appreciate that, and it’s my fault for expecting something that isn’t possible.”

Because my best won’t ever be good enough.

I think that would hurt if I were actually allowed to have feelings. Good thing I’m not. “You’re right. But remember that in the end, it’s not your expectations I need to live up to. It’s Nate’s. So maybe don’t look at me like you’re disappointed in me and I’ll try a little harder to at least make this worth it for you.”

Frowning, he bites his lip like he’s holding back an argument I don’t have the energy to have. “Let me ask you something I should have asked before. What do you think he means when he says he doesn’t have the time to train you?”

“He means he doesn’t want some meek little virgin who just lays there or cries when it gets rough,” I explain. “He says he really likes me and that’s the only thing stopping him. Before you get all weird on me aboutthat, let me just say I don’t care. I’ll probably never love him anyway. I just want out.”

He nods at me absentmindedly, staring straight through me as my words sink in, and then he finally speaks up. “Alright. And you’re still convinced this is the only way to get out?”

“Do you have any other ideas?” I ask. “Show me one place hiring someone with no experience right now and I’ll work for it.” He can’t, and he knows it. Cape Frost is a dead town full of dead people and dead dreams. “But I’m all ears if you have an idea.”

“Work for me,” he offers, leaving me speechless. “Do my scheduling and I’ll give you a cut. I don’t fucking care what you do, just don’t stand there like you’ve actually tried to find another option.” He looks me up and down. “Hell, I’d pay you to be my little whore if you asked.”

I can’t imagine the first option would give me enough to get out, but it would at least be something. And the second? The whole reason I don’t have a job right now is because I don’t want to be a sex worker.

Beggars can’t be choosers, but I don’t know if I could ever work for Hayes.

“You’d pay me to be your little whore even after admitting you know my best would never be good enough for you?” I ask. “Why?”

“To help you. I don’t know.” He looks almost annoyed, but I don’t know if he’s mad at me or himself. “I’m training you, aren’t I? Who’s to say I wouldn’t be able to train you to be exactly what I need?”

What he needs. Not what another man may need.

“And then what, I’d stay here?” I say softly. “In Cape Frost?”

Forever.

“No. You’ve made up your mind there, Samara. I have no doubts you’ll leave this place behind one day, but how about you stop overthinking every little thing today, hmm? Think of it as a simple transaction. A fucking dumb one on my side since you’re already giving me all of this for free, but one I’m willing to offer so you can have some income. You can say thank you later.”

Yeah, it’s dumb. Which is why it makes no sense unless he’s trying to push me out the door faster.

I’m actually okay with that.

“So nothing would change?” I ask. “You don’t expect anything extra?”

“Notat the moment.” He stands up straighter and crosses his arms. “You listen to what I say even if you’re mad about it in the moment, so I can’t really ask for anything else unless you start to disobey.”

This somehow sounds like a trap. It’s straightforward enough coming out of his mouth, but this is Hayes. Devious, cunning, vile Hayes.

He’ll find a way.

But if I can stash some cash while he teaches me and still end up hooking Nate, it’s a win/win for me. I like those.

“Okay,” I agree. “You’ve got a deal, Hayes. From sun down to sun up.”

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