Page 33 of The Heart of Midnight

“You’re either the best liar in the world next to me, or you’re a fool,” he says quietly. “I didn’t buy the mask to scare you, Avery.”

“Okay.” Seeing as I’m not lying about anything, I take the insult for what it is and think maybe I don’t actually want to know, but I can’t stop myself from asking anyway. “Then why?”

He meets my gaze and seems to look right through me as he says, “Because IamMuerte. It’s a stupid fucking name, but it’s not like I gave it to myself.”

For a few moments I’m sure we both stop breathing. He stares me down with a posture that’s seconds away from leaping on me if I tried to run, but even though I believe him, I stillcan’t bring myself to move. I can’t even find it in me to want to. “You’re... you’ve... killed people?”

“Yes, Avery. A lot of them. I heard those two fuckwits at your office talking shit about you the day I came to scare you, and that’s why the cops are looking at me. Someone saw me take the mask off in the car I’ve been using while I waited for them to come out. You’re right, the mask is fucking suffocating.”

Fuck.

I break our gazes to take a true breath of air, my hands shaking in my lap as I really let that sink in. “You killed them specifically because they talked shit about me?”

“They called you crazy,” he mutters. “So I showed them what crazy really looks like.”

I don’t know why that calms me, but it does. It shouldn’t, it absolutely shouldn’t, and solidifies he’s not the only insane one here, but all it tells me is that he cares for me as deeply as I care for him. “Why haven’t you killed me? And why did all the girls match my description?”

“You don’t want me to answer that.”

I release a shuddering breath. “Say. It.”

Scar’s eyes darken. “Fine. You want the truth, Avery? You want me to tell you how you turned me into a killer? I stopped sneaking into your room because I had twisted, stupid hopes that one day we’d figure out how to make it work. But I’m sick, you understand? I found a replacement for you, only no one could ever replace you. I killed her for not being good enough. And then once I realized what it felt like to take someone’s life, I couldn’t stop. It was like an addiction. I’d find someone who looked like you, rape them, and kill them. Not always in that order. When I told you I was a fucking monster, I meant it.”

His voice becomes more manic as he speaks, and when he finishes I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself.

I turned him into a killer.

It’s such a hard pill to swallow I nearly choke, but even as he admits all of it to me, I find myself clinging to the raw truth of his words. All of it was because he didn’t believe he was worthy of me. He could have killed me outright, and with the way he’s looking at me right now, I know it crossed his mind a time or two. But he didn’t.

I’m angry for the victims, but I’m angrier at myself for being jealous of the fact that he raped them. How is it he just admitted he’s murdered people in cold blood, and I’m focusing on the fact that I feel cheated on? The only answer I can come up with is that he’s not the only monster in this room. We may be different kinds, but both thrive in the dark regardless.

“Come here.”

“Why?” he snaps. “Hiding a knife under your cushion?”

“No. And even if I was, what fucking good would that do?”

He’s taken lives, and yet all I can feel coming off of him right now is fear.

Slowly, he walks around the table, leaving his box of weapons untouched as he reaches me. “I wouldn’t blame you for trying to protect yourself. I wouldn’t blame you for killing me.”

I wait for him to sit and meet his stare, surprising myself when I don’t feel any semblance of fear. “Are you going to kill me?”

Scar huffs, smiling sadly. “I wanted to. I should’ve. But I can’t. You’re the one person on this planet I wouldn’t forgive myself for snuffing out. I used to think that no one was more important than my freedom, but I’d rather spend a thousand lifetimes in prison than hurt you. So you’re the one who’s free now, Avery. Turn me in, don’t turn me in, it doesn’t matter. You have nothing else to fear from me.”

Before he can even think of walking away, I grab his hand and tug it into my lap. “Remember when I asked for time to prove to you I was in this? Is that still on the table?”

He stares at our hands for so long, I’m not sure he’ll ever answer. “I’d say you don’t know what you’re asking of me, but I know exactly what I’m asking of you. So... yes. I can’t kill you, can’t run from you. I don’t have a choice.”

I hastily straddle his lap and pull his attention to me, making him truly see me as I stare down at him. “Let me be all you need.”

“Avery,” he scolds, yet his powerful arms wrap around me. “How can you even consider it after everything I just told you?”

“Because I believe everything you’ve done is because you didn’t think you could have me. You don’t think monsters deserve love, but if that’s true, does that mean I don’t either?”

“What?” He pulls back to look at me. “You’re not a monster, Avery. You might be broken, but you’re still pure. You still refuse to see the darkness right in front of you.”

“No, I do see it, Scar. It’s the light that blinds me,” I admit. “I am a monster, you know why? Because after everything you’ve said, I’m more upset you fucked those women than killed them. Why is that? Why does that fact have the empath inside of me dormant, and all I can feel is that I’m happy they never lived up to me?”

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