Page 62 of Rectify

He knew how proud she was, how difficult it was for her to accept help from others. It should have beenhimhelping her, supporting her. Not Rogan.

“I thought giving you some space was the best idea. I didn’t want to get in the way, to take away any attention from Mateo. If you needed me, then you should have told me. My old insecurities reared their head when you didn’t ask me to stay.”

There, he’d admitted his true feelings. She had to understand now.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” She threw her hands up in the air. He wondered if she realized that she was holding a pair of lacy panties. “You said there was a problem in the London office, so of course I wouldn’t ask you to stay. But I didn’t expect you to be gone so long, and I certainly didn’t think you’d be so distant. Why wouldn’t you just talk to me instead of reading something out of nothing?”

“You’re right. I made a mistake. Several, actually. I don’t know anything about children and I didn’t want to make things harder for the two of you.”

“Even though I’ve had to concentrate on Mateo, that didn’t mean I didn’t need you.” She pointed at herself with the pair of panties. “It didn’t mean I wouldn’t have made time for you.Mateo would learn to like you in time. Children are resilient. They can overcome their fears far quicker than adults.”

It went off like a lightbulb in his head and he glanced over at the six deadbolts. “Is that what’s going on here, Lovely? Is your fear holding you hostage?”

She looked away from him and grabbed some more laundry to fold. Then she seemed to see that she was holding some panties and dropped them like they were burning her.

“Look, I’m kind of busy. Maybe it’s time you left.”

“Natalya, sit down,” he said firmly.

No way was he going anywhere.

She glared at him. “You never used to be this bossy.”

“I was. You just never saw that side of me.”

She didn’t answer, but she’d stopped pretending to fold the laundry. “What do you mean?”

“Remember how I talked about wanting to become an actor because I thought people would like and respect me if I was famous?”

She nodded, looking at him now.

“Over the years, I’ve realized that I don’t need to care about what other people think. That I’m happy just being me. Warts and all.”

“That’s good,” she said. “You shouldn’t hide who you are.”

“No. It took me a while to realize it, though. But I did.”

“Did you hide parts of yourself from me?”

“I was the happiest I’ve ever been when I was with you. That was me or who I thought I wanted to be, if that makes sense. I wanted everyone to like me. And so I thought I had to be fun and easygoing all the time. Most of all, I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Aedan, I’m not the same person I was before. I’m tougher than you think I am, and I definitely don’t scare easily. I’ve also learned to control my temper better. I suppose we don’t really know each other at all anymore.”

“But I want to get to know you now. I’ve missed you so much over these past weeks. I’m so sorry for taking off. Can you forgive me?”

Silence greeted him.

“I promised Mateo I’d play with him when he woke up, and I want him to know that I always come through on my word. I want him to know he can depend on me.”

“Like I can depend on you?” she asked bitterly.

He deserved that. He cursed himself for being an idiot. “You can depend on me, Natalya. I fucked up, but I did it with the best intentions. I thought giving you and Mateo space was the best thing I could do for you. I want to be in your life. I want to have the right to look after you and Mateo, and I want to have the right to worry about you. I may not deserve it, but I’m asking for that chance. I know I’ve got a lot to make up to you, but I swear I won’t let you down again.”

“You can’t just disappear like that. I was all on my own . . . ” her voice trailed off.

Aedan pulled her into his arms, unable to take it any longer. He had to hold her. He was scum. A horrible person. Why had he left her?

“I’m so sorry. I will never do that again. I’m going to work on my communication. From now on, we’ll talk things through rather than making assumptions.”

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