Page 59 of Never Really Over

And today, Poppy is along for the ride.

I could ask one of the girls if they could watch her, but it’s not their responsibility and I need to prove to myself that I can do this. Plus, it’s not an all day thing and I can take breaks with her if I need to. Just one of the many perks of working for myself.

After breakfast and a diaper change, I load her into her car seat and grab the diaper bag that I already filled with a few toys, diapers, a container of little baby puffs that she loves, and a bottle. I throw in a couple of drinks for myself as well as a package of Nutter Butter cookies because I’m always looking for something to munch on while I’m working.

The tractor has what we call a buddy seat. It’s a smaller seat next to the driver’s seat and has a seat belt so I can buckle her in and keep her safe. It’s probably not one hundred percent legal, but I’d never put her in harm’s way or do something that would possibly be dangerous.

Yesterday afternoon I made sure the tractor was filled with fuel and the mower was hooked up so that I didn’t need to worry about getting that done while Poppy was with me this morning.

Over the past week, Poppy and I have found our groove. She’s a great little farm helper and rarely fusses when I’m working in the shop. I’ve learned to take full advantage of her nap times for when I need to do something that’s not safe for Poppy to be around. The shop that was once only used for working on equipment, now includes a play space for Poppy. I have some gates set up so that she’s kept safe, and inside of the gated off section, I put down several cushioned mats that remind me of the mats I wrestled on in high school, along with lots of toys. Poppy has an area large enough that she can play and when she’s over it, I either take her for a walk or into the house to shake things up. She seems to love being in the shop with me and I get to keep an eye on her at all times so it’s a win-win.

The two of us are a team now. She’s my ride or die and I’ll do anything to protect her. If I felt like Poppy wasn’t happy being a little farm girl and my constant sidekick, I’d continue my search for a nanny.

The day the guys helped get the combine ready for harvest, the girls came over with their kids so Poppy wouldn’t be in the shop with us. I was amazed at how much work we got done that day. Missy and Amy were the ones who helped me set up the play area for Poppy and cleaned up my office, too. It ended up being a fun day that ended with us picking up a bunch of pizzas and chilling around the bonfire.

My friends are the absolute best. Family, is what they are. It’s why Layla’s words hurt so much. Maybe she doesn’t understand what true friendship is. Maybe she wasn’t lying about being jealous. Whatever the reason, her words were heartless, and even though Missy told me I need to listen and be understanding, I’m not sure I can.

After a quick visit with Poppy’s favorite animals, I climb the steps into the tractor and get her settled. The instant I start up the tractor, she starts kicking her legs and smiles so big. She’s facing backward so I can see her face and she can watch the mower behind us.

“Excited, baby?”

I chuckle when she screams in delight the second we take off. Mowing waterways is a slow process, and even slower when I have Poppy with me and I’m trying not to jostle her around too much.

Poppy’s eyes are wide as she watches the mower, looking around at the scenery and babbling away. I’m sure one day she’ll be telling me what to do and trying to take over herself, but that’s a ways down the road yet. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t bring a smile to my face to picture the day that she’s not just riding along, but working with me.

When I get to the end of the first waterway, I do a three-point turn, careful not to run over any crops, and cut down the other side then move to the next.

Eventually, the slow movement and purr of the tractor puts Poppy to sleep. I reach into the diaper bag and get out the blanket I snagged out of her room and cover her bare legs so she doesn’t get cold and keep working.

It’s not necessarily mindless work, given the fact that I need to stay alert as to what I’m working on, but it’s a job I’ve done for so many years that my mind tends to wander.

Unfortunately, it’s wandering right onto one person.

Layla.

Not for the first time, I wonder why she couldn’t have just stayed in Chicago. I don’t know how to make sense of her being back in Hollow Grove and it’s really starting to piss me off. She acted like she hated it here all those years ago when she left and now she’s ready to become a resident here again? And what’s with the things she said about me and my friends?

Missy pulled me aside the day everyone was here and said not everything is black and white.

“She didn’t mean it.”

I scoff. “Really? And you believe that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Whywouldyou? She left because Hollow Grove wasn’t enough for her, but that’s not all that wasn’t enough. I wasn’t, either. Why would I put myself through that all over again? She won’t stay.”

Missy lays a hand on my forearm. “Listen to your heart, Colt. She took a huge step out of her comfort zone to go after a dream of her own. Layla knew that if she kept in contact with us, she’d come running back home. She didn’t want to leave us or her mom, but she didn’t want to stay here, either.”

I look away from Missy, irritated by the entire conversation. I hate hearing her say that Layla didn’t want to stay here.

“She abandoned everyone. Without a care in the world. And she did it because she thinks we’re beneath her.”

Before I finish speaking, Missy’s already shaking her head. “No, she doesn’t. I get why you don’t believe that she was saying it out of jealousy, but she came back here in a mess because of the accident. She thought she was going to lose the only family she has. And she’d come here that day, freaked out because she thought something was wrong which ended up being harder on her because well... you’re, you, and that hit her in a way she hadn’t expected.”

“What does that mean? ‘You’re you’. Am I that awful?”

“Just the opposite, actually. You’re still the same as you were when she left. You’re still the guy she fell in love with, Colt. And you’re still friends with all of us, which shook her up. She assumed that we’d all move on just like she did. She said those things, yeah, but I honestly don’t believe she meant them.”

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