Page 46 of Never Really Over

“Thank you. I appreciate it. Just don’t go overboard,” I tell Amy, knowing her penchant for throwing huge parties, and not just for birthdays. Give her a reason to celebrate, and she goes all out.

“Would I do that?” she asks, grinning.

“Yes,” we all say in unison. Well, everyone but Layla who wouldn’t know.

Amy laughs and shrugs. “I’ll do my best to keep it low key, but no promises.”

The ladies all say goodbye, with reminders that the guys will be by later and another from Missy that she’ll be sending some food over and then I’m left alone with Layla and a sleeping Poppy.

“Why don’t you get some rest?” she asks gently.

“Why are you staying here?” I ask instead. I don’t know what her plan here is, but if it’s more than just helping, that’s not going to happen.

“That whole time the girls were giving you baby advice, I had nothing to contribute. Nothing to offer. And that’s the life I chose, I get that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help in some way. I know you’re strong and capable and can do this on your own, but you don’t have to. You said you were thinking about getting a nanny, which tells me some part of you wants or at least knows you need some help. And is Aria the lady who comes to clean?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let me help you. If she’s that busy, then let me do it for a bit. I don’t mind. Laundry, either.”

“It’s just laundry and cleaning, right?” I ask her.

She swallows hard and looks down at her feet. “Right. What else would it be?” The way she says it doesn’t give me any warm and fuzzy feelings. She can’t possibly want to start something back up with me, can she? Would I even want that if she did? I don’t want to think too hard about what my answer would be to that. Now’s not the time — it never will be.

“Cleaning supplies are in the cupboard under the bathroom sink. I’ll get the laundry out of my room for you.” Best to be straight forward and ignore anything that could turn emotional between us. I don’t have time to worry about whether or not she wants to start up some romance between us. I have far more important things on my mind.

With Poppy sound asleep, I stand from the chair and lay her down in her crib, which, thanks to the girls, no longer feels like a safe place for her to sleep at all.Thanks a lot.

Layla goes to the bathroom while I gather up our laundry, taking the time to separate it. I start a load of Poppy’s because she uses a different detergent than I do. Her skin is sensitive and she needs one that caters to her skin.

“I’m going out to do chores quick,” I announce to Layla, who’s bent over the toilet, scrubbing away.

She looks over her shoulder at me and blows some hair out of her face. “Thought you were going to rest?”

“Nah. I have work to do and hopefully she’ll sleep good tonight so I can sleep then.”

“You sure? The guys are coming tonight to help.”

“I know they are but I like doing it myself and need a distraction. Plus, there’s honestly no way I’ll be able to sleep if I know you’re in here working. It’s not how I am.”

That seems to satisfy her and she nods. “Sounds good. What do I do if Poppy wakes up?”

“Just get her from the crib and come and find me.”

Her face pales but she smiles anyway, even though it’s her nervous and fake smile. I’m sure the idea of being there for Poppy alone terrifies her, but I do have confidence that she could handle it. Besides, the chances of Poppy waking up before I get back inside are slim to none, even though I can’t be sure of that, Iamsure that she can take care of Poppy if need be.

“I can do that.”

“Thanks for the help.”

“Any time.”

I leave her to it and head outside to do some evening chores. It’s earlier than normal, but I want to be inside with Poppy the rest of the night and if I have Layla here to watch her, then I won’t have to worry about getting it done later.

Once outside, I let out a breath, resting my hands on my knees as I bend over and try to keep sucking in more air. I have no idea what I would have done if the girls wouldn’t have been there for me today. There needs to be a handbook that’s made for your specific child so you know what’s wrong at all times. Hearing Poppy cry like that and knowing she was in pain and not knowing what to do to help her was the worst feeling I’ve ever had.

How do parents do this more than once? Thank goodness Poppy will be my only child and I won’t have to learn it all over again. That shit’s terrifying. Worth it, because Poppy’s worth everything, but still so damn terrifying.

I just kept thinking about how Natalie and Mason trusted me with their daughter and I failed them. I’m all Poppy has and she’s all I have and I can’t lose her. Keeping her healthy and safe and happy is my only priority and I plan to do it to the best of my ability.

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