Page 100 of Gone for You

“It wasn’t easy for either of us to admit we wanted to try something so out of our comfort zone, so completely taboo. It was more than thinking or talking about it. More than introducing a new toy or position or video.”

I tip the bottle to my lips.

Chug.

Chug.

Chug.

I’m an adult, yes. And I’m not above knowing that my parents are like anyone else — they have a sexual appetite. But toys and positions and videos? No. I don’t need to hear about it.

She rubs her forehead and scrunches her eyes together. This can’t be comfortable for her, either. “I’m pretending you’re not you at the moment.”

“Good plan,” I agree, wishing I could do the same.

“Eventually it happened.”

“Long story short, huh?”

“Figured you’d be okay with me skipping over a few details.”

I nod my head quickly. “You figured correctly.”

“When we approached our friends, they weren’t surprised. They knew we were coming around but they also were more concerned that they’d pushed us in a way neither of us were ready for.”

I shift in my seat. “That’s, umm, nice of them.”

She smirks. “It was. And I think that’s what helped make our decision. It was a safe space to explore something we weren’t completely sure of yet.”

“And then you explored.”

“Yes.”

“Skipping over the particulars, how did you go from being swingers, which, from what I understand, typically brings couples closer together, to divorce?”

Mom winces and I brace myself. “One of us was ready to stop and the other wasn’t.”

“Really?”

“Yup. Let me guess, Dad was all about sleeping with another woman?” I ask, snark heavy in my voice. I don’t know why my go-to is to blame him but for whatever reason, since they divorced he’s been on my shit list and I can’t seem to take him off.

“Actually, it was me who wasn’t ready to give it up. For the first time in a really long time, I felt wanted and sexy. I didn’t want to give that up or go back to who I was before. It changed my life.”

I scoff. “Pssh. Obviously. It changed all our lives, Mom! How could you?”

“Listen to me, please.”

“Are you going to get to the point soon? Or just continue making it worse?”

“Livvy Loo,” she whispers, tears flooding her eyes. “You need to understand. It was this world I never expected to exist in. I was never a sexual person but when we were trying this, especially together, I was. And I became addicted to it.”

“What? Like a sex addict?”

“Yes,” she whispers.

I know my eyes widen comically. “Holy shit. You’re a nympho?”

“You’re such a brat. But yes, I was. Or, am. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully move on. What was once something your father and I only did together, became something I couldn’t stop myself from wanting by myself. At all hours of the day. I was safe, I swear I was. At least, physically. But I was careless where it came to my marriage. I was selfish and didn’t think of your father. Swinging is not swinging when your partner isn’t on board.”

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