Page 145 of Feels Like Home

“That’s me. I got this, though. No need for the wheelchair.”

And then I peed on the floor. Well, not pee. My water broke, gushing all over the floor beneathme.

The orderly looked down at the pool of fluids, up to me, back down, and upagain.

“Humor me?” He tried for a smile. Didn’twork.

“Fine. But I can totally walk on myown.”

“We know you can, baby, but let the man do his job. I’m sure he lives for this. Pushing cranky pregnant ladies through thehalls.”

“Dude. Did you just…” the orderly said just as I finished histhought.

“Did you just call mecranky?”

“Nope.”

“I’m gonna kick Carly’s ass. Like she better watch her back,” Igrowl.

“She knows boxing moves.” Andy raises his eyebrows at me, looking thoroughly amused by my current state of miserable anddying.

I wave him off. “It doesn’t matter. She’s not gonna know what hit her when I get to her. Do yoga, she said. It will help with the labor, she said. It will help you move things along, she said. She’s such abitch.”

Andy laughs loudly. Carly is the furthest thing from a bitch, but right now I kind of hate her for getting me healthy during my pregnancy, thus causing this baby to come so quickly that I got to the hospital at nine centimeters dilated, thusno drugs! No happy juice. No blissfully pushing a baby out my vagina and not feeling athing.

“Knock, knock,” a sweet voice callsout.

“Well, speak of the devil!” Iyell.

Carly’s face appears in the doorway, her wide smile dies almost immediately when she seesme.

“Oh, shit. What happened toyou?”

“Seriously?” I screech, pointing to mystomach.

“But...”

“We got here, and she was at a nine,” Andy answers her unaskedquestion.

“Already?”

Oh, now it’s her turn toscreech.

“Wow, yoga actually works,” shemumbles.

“Helpful!”

“Sorry! But… wow. I didn’t realize it would actually help THATmuch!”

“Come here, Carly. I wanna tell you something.” I crook my finger at her, but she’s shaking her head, stepping behindAndy.

“I’ll just…” She starts making her way out the door, pointing behindher.

“No! Don’t!” Andy shouts, obviously not wanting to be left alone with me and mygrouchiness.

Another contraction hits, and I fold over. “Aghhhh! Holy hell! I think my insides just split into a million pieces. Check, Andy. Make sure that nothing just fellout.”

“Okay, yeah. I think I’ll just… get Bri. Or… someone, anyone else. Good luck!” Carlybabbles.

---