Page 82 of Right in Front of You

“You’re not a murderer.”

“And I won’t have the woman I love be a victim for the rest of her life.”

I gasped.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I won’t have the woman I lo…” he stopped mid-sentence, realizing the meaning of his words. “I love you, Molly. I think I’ve loved you from way before you lifted my vomit-filled mouth out of that snow the first time I tried to kill myself, but I’ve been in denial. Strong denial. You were my best friend. My puddle buddy. We shared gum and stories. You’re the one who saved me in more ways than just from death. And that’s not only because you picked the right puddles. You made my whole childhood memorable, happy, and fun.”

I laughed through my tears, remembering the rainy days that had brought us together in the past. But Carter wasn’t done just yet and I couldn’t stop smiling. “You were the one who healed my heart and my body. You were a friend I could always count on, no matter how stupid I was. You took a ruined man on the brink of death and made him whole again. You saved me.”

My tears were coursing down my cheeks. Carter’s words were the most beautiful I’d ever heard. I’d always known that he was it for me yet I never realized that it would be so easy to love him. I never thought that I could love someone without effort or a single question about who he was. “I love you too, Carter.”

He kissed me hard, sealing our declaration for each other. When he pulled away, there was a new resilience and determination in his eyes.

“Then let me be the one who saves you this time. Let me make things right for you. I don’t want you to be afraid to turn around. I don’t want you to have nightmares or forego a relationship with your mother and your brother because of him. He does not own you or control you, and if I have anything to do with it, he will never come near you again. He will never threaten or blackmail you again. He blackmailed you to take the blame for the barn fire, didn’t he?”

I nodded, wiping my tears on his shirt. What he spoke of was impossible. There was no way that my father would ever leave us alone. He was too stubborn and too sure of himself. There was no way out. What was Carter planning?

“I’ve gone through hundreds if not thousands of scenarios trying to piece together a solution and I couldn’t. Unless he drops dead in the middle of the street, I’ll never be able to move on, so you see, you can’t save me Carter. No one can. And you’d better stay away from him. He’s a dangerous man.”

“I’m not sure yet how I’ll save you, but I will. And that’s a promise.”

That’s what I was afraid of. I sank in my seat and felt my shoulders droop. Carter sat back down beside me. He wrapped his arm around me and lowered us to the pillows, covering us with a blanket. I snuggled against him, feeling peace surround me.

“It makes sense that you don’t want another man touching you like that,” he said. “And I’m sorry if I pushed it too far.”

I lifted my head and looked up to meet his sad gaze. “But I do want those touches. I want you, but I’m afraid of the emotional pain. I’m afraid I’ll be thinking about that moment in my life I want to forget. I don’t want to compare it to that, and unfortunately that’s where I’m afraid my mind will go. I’m afraid that because my first time was forever ruined, I will never be able to enjoy what should create a deep bond between two people, ever again.” I felt my eyes well up and the tears come again.

“So if we ever have sex, you’ll be thinking about the time you were raped?”

“I don’t want to.” I was sobbing. I was crying so hard that I was having trouble breathing. In fact, I couldn’t breathe.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. This really caught me by surprise tonight. It was definitely not what I expected.”

He held me tight and I couldn’t help but ask, “Does this mean you won’t ever want to have sex with me?”

“Is that what you’re thinking? No, Molly. Definitely not, and now that I know, I’ll make sure you always feel safe and cared for. You never have to worry about anyone hurting you ever again. And I can wait for you. I’ll wait until we’re both ready. There is no time limit or an expiration date on that. I’ll wait until the end of our days if I have to. Holding you like this, in my arms, is more than anything I ever hoped for.”

I snuggled deeper into his embrace. That night we slept on the deck. Carter held me in the security of his arms until the sun came up. While we didn’t have sex, it felt like one of the most magical nights of my life. We were connected on such a deep level that I had difficulty understanding how a revelation of a decade old secret could tie us that way.

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