Page 6 of Right in Front of You

MOLLY, AGE 15

Today was Father’s birthday, and he took our family out to dinner at the local pub. The last time we’d gone out for a special occasion was three years ago, before Nathan was born, which coincidentally was just around father’s birthday. Mom’s pregnant belly was so big that day that she couldn’t see her feet.

We always ate at the round wooden table in the corner of the pub. It was father’s favorite spot. I pulled out my usual chair and sat with my back to the dining area. My mother made herself comfortable to my left, with Nathan in his booster seat, and Father sat across from me. We ordered the food. Actually, Father ordered for everyone, the way he always did, which meant that once again we’d be eating fried chicken, taters, and coleslaw. Sometimes I wished for fish and chips, but it was tradition for Father to place the order on his birthday.

When the waitress brought our meal, the plates were all squished toward the right of the table. There’d be much more room if Father moved a little to the left, but Father had said he liked his view from that spot. I didn’t know how that was possible when I was blocking everything in his sight. He looked at me from across the table in that uncomfortable way, smirking, and I looked away.

“Happy birthday, son!” Gripping a beer can, Father raised his hand up in the air. It surprised me that he remembered his son’s birthday at all. He then turned to my mother, saying, “If you’d pushed him out of that pussy of yours three days later, we would have shared a birthday.” He lowered the can and ruffled Nathan’s hair, all the while looking at me, the way he always did when he wanted to see my reaction to his vulgar words. He was waiting for me to blush or bite my lip, but I’d learned not to even flinch. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I’d learned a long time ago to not pay attention to him, especially when he wanted me to. He frowned, scanning my frozen posture, but I didn’t care.

My mother cleared her throat. “Are you going to work tomorrow?” she asked. The company Father worked for as a logger had recently moved their operation closer to town. This meant that he could come home for the night, but hopefully he’d choose to stay in one of the barracks, the way most men did. The project was for ten years, and Father was halfway through. Sometimes I worried that he wouldn’t have a job once all the trees were cut down and would then stay home, but then I realized that I would be an adult by then, probably living elsewhere. No; I would definitely be living elsewhere.

“Work? The day after my birthday? Nonsense. A man celebrating his birthday has to eat well” – he patted his belly – “drink lots” – he took a gulp of his beer – “and fuck as if it’s his last day on earth.” He looked to me again, slowly lowering his gaze. I could feel him staring at my boobs and I wondered whether my bra was twisted. He’d tried fixing it once and touched my breast in the process. I didn’t like it. My father had this thing about undergarments being worn the right way. If you don’t know how to wear them, then why wear them at all? he’d once said. Needless to say, I liked wearing them, but I didn’t like him looking at me wearing them.

“What was all that fuss about last night?” Father asked.

“Nathan’s teething. His gums hurt.” My mom’s brows squinted with concern. Her eyes were tired with an even darker shade of fatigue underneath. Nathan had been crying for the third straight night.

“So, give him an ice cube or something.”

“I can’t just give him an ice cube. Actually, I think he may have a fever.”

Father fisted his hand and slammed it on the table. A few patrons turned to look our way, and I lowered my head. From the corner of my eye, sitting a few tables over, I saw Carter with his brother Maxwell and their parents. They nodded politely our way, and I pasted a stiff smile on my face before looking back to our table.

“Don’t you say it, Clare. Don’t you dare say it.” My father shook his head from side to side. “If I hear his name again, I’m going to lose it.”

“But I really think he should see the doctor, Ron.”

“I’ll drive you to the city tomorrow morning, then.”

“He’ll keep us up all night. And the fever is getting dangerously high.”

As my parents kept arguing over taking Nathan to see Doctor Burke, I asked to slip out to the bathroom. On my way to the back, I saw Carter follow me, and so I snuck out the back door.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Is Nathan teething again?”

“Yeah, he is. But I think they’d find a way to fight anyway. Father doesn’t want Mom to take Nathan to see Doctor Burke.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I think he may be jealous because Doctor Burke is always so nice and Father is always so grumpy. I think that’s why my mom likes to visit Doctor Burke so much. It’s quieter at his office than at our house.”

“Do you wanna grab some ice cream?” he asked. “It’ll give your parents some space to figure out what’s wrong with Nathan. We can get some vanilla for your brother. Maybe that would soothe his teeth.”

I hesitated because I wasn’t sure whether my parents – or should I say, Father – would let me out of his birthday celebration. He didn’t like it when I hung out with boys. I shouldn’t have cared. I didn’t care, but I also didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention my way or towards my mother.

“Come on, Molly. It’s on me.” Carter winked, then leaned into me and said in a lower tone, “You need a break from the yelling as much as your mom does.”

“Thanks. I just need to let her know.”

Instead of going to Father to ask for permission, I did what I’d rarely done and was afraid to do on most days: I whispered in my mother’s ear. She nodded, and I ran off without looking back. I hoped that my mother could handle the aftermath once Father questioned her. Carter was waiting for me outside. His brother, Max, joined us, and we bought vanilla and chocolate mixed soft-serves from the side window at the pub. We sat on the outside bench. My ice cream dripped from the cone down my inner arm. I licked the cream off, and as I turned, I saw Father looking through the restaurant window, smirking. Chills tingled down my spine. I didn’t look that way again.

As I sucked the melted cream from within the cone, the front door opened. “You keep your hands off my son, Burke,” we heard father say. I sat there frozen, along with Carter and Max, watching the tension-filled exchange between my parents and Doctor Burke unfold. I figured it was a safer choice to remain quiet. Father swayed on his feet. The effects of the few cans of beer he’d had were visible to the world, and my gut twisted. Why did he have to act like this while out in public? Why did he have to be here at all?

“Ron, he needs to be checked out. This is more than teething.”

Father turned toward Doctor Burke and locked his jaw.

“Haven’t you checked out enough of my family already? I said it once before and I’ll say it again: stay the fuck away.”

Father stumbled forward, and it looked like he was heading home on his own. My mother would follow. She always did, but when father was still turned around, I watched as she gently touched Doctor Burke’s arm, mouthing I’m sorry.

“Take care of your baby, Clare. And get him to a doctor as soon as you can. Now go,” he urged, as if he were aware that Father would flip if my mother didn’t follow him home.

My parents left without me that day. When my mother turned around to see me and pressed her finger to her lips, it meant that I had better stay where I was. She placed my crying brother in the stroller and pushed it forward, bringing her walk to a slow tread as she got closer to father. My home, just beyond the cemetery, was the last place I wanted to be. But soon I’d have no choice and I’d need to go back. I returned by my eight-o’clock curfew that evening. Nathan was very sick for the next three days, but he got better after my mother secretly took him to see Doctor Burke.

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