Page 45 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

Chapter 11

The day Nickleft was the most painful one of my life, or at least, my life until that point. I stayed in my sweat pants the entire day, and the next, and the one after that as well. The minutes and hours blended into one continuous blur of time, making me feel more lost than I had ever been — even when we had escaped the bear on our camping trip and lost our way in the forest. At least we were lost together back then.

I missed our morning runs, stolen glances, and secret kisses. There was no point to waking up or going to sleep. Numbness overtook my body as I sulked in the misery of going on without him. My first two weeks passed with me kneading more dough for the bakery than I had in my life, punching the raw bread when frustration set in and sometimes even tearing it apart, until one mid-summer day, Marge knocked on the front door.

“Jo? Do you have some time to help me at the bakery?”

My father touched my shoulder. “I can handle everything here. Go see what Marge needs.”

“Yeah, sure.”

I followed Marge back to her store, dragging my feet along the floor. Inside, I put on an apron and a hair net, grasped the piping bag full of cream cheese frosting for the cupcakes, and started squeezing the white goodness on their tops. It took a lot of concentration, which I didn’t have right now, but the monotonous activity was satisfying, especially after I looked at the finished rows of cupcakes with their perfectly piped snow caps, all lined up like little soldiers.

“You know, I too wish he hadn’t left,” Marge said, after the first batch was done.

I lifted my head in confusion. She’d supported Nick’s decision before he even made it, so I wondered why the change in opinion.

“I thought you said it’s for his own good.”

“I did, but I still wish he was here.”

“How did you deal with it when your husband left? I mean, you had a child already. I don’t know how you’ve gone through it all alone.”

She pulled a second stool toward the counter and gestured for me to sit.

“I felt lost. I was just about your age when Kyle left. I didn’t want him to go, but I also didn’t want him to lose his dream. When he came back, he was a changed man. He had matured and there was finally a peace within him that was strong and real. He knew exactly what he wanted from life, and having seen everything that he had made him cherish his days with his family that much more. I think being apart made Kyle stronger. It takes a special kind of man to join the SEALS.”

She was right. I knew that Nick was special. He was the bravest and strongest man I’d ever known.

“But your husband died. Aren’t you afraid for Nick?”

“Of course I am. It’s a risk, but risk is everywhere. He could have stayed here and been a wonderful teacher, police officer, or even a baker, but I wouldn’t want him to regret the choice and be someone else. Or he could have joined Carter at the firehouse, and that’s dangerous as well. My point, Jo, is that you can’t change what God has planned for you. The most difficult battles you face in your life are the ones you don’t expect. They make you stronger.”

“Is it bad for me to hope that he’ll fail? Or that he’ll change his mind and quit?”

“You too?” She gave me an understanding smile. “You’ll get through this, honey. I know you will. It will get easier with time, and I’m here for you, and so is your father.”

I looked at the three batches of fresh cupcakes I’d decorated. “It does help when you’re busy, I guess. Marge, do you mind if I come here in the mornings and decorate these for you this summer? I don’t feel like running anyways, when Nick’s not here, and piping these feels right.”

“No, I don’t mind at all. Actually, I’d really appreciate that. Do you have time to do a few cakes as well?”

I had all the time that I needed before I went to college in September — a choice I was more confused about now than before, but I couldn’t quite figure out why.

“I’d love to.”

As I spread the buttercream over the cakes, I wondered how many Nick had decorated in his lifetime. It must have been in the thousands. And while I’d done a few more since the time he helped me bake for Marge, the professional way in which Nick moved his wrist and spun the turn table was definitely a skill I’d need to practice for thousands of hours if I wanted to decorate as fast.

Two hours had passed before I was done. I looked over my work, pleased, and set the cakes underneath the display glass just as the front door opened.

Daisy and Carter walked through the door, hand in hand, and sat down at the table for two.

“Are you guys checking up on me?” I asked.

“Can’t two friends come over for a visit without being harassed?” Carter’s over-the-top look of innocence reminded me why I loved my friends so much.

“We’re worried about you. We haven’t seen you around, Jo. I hope you’re not planning on hiding out until Nick comes back,” Daisy said.

I sort of was, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. “I’m just trying to keep busy.”

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