Page 99 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

Chapter 23

Dear Nicholas,

Three days ago I gave birth to our daughter. Her name is Mackenzie, and everyone tells me that she looks like me, but when I look at her, I see you. Now I have part of you with me at all times. This feeling of motherhood is incredible, and I wish you were here. I don’t want to sleep and miss a moment of her precious life, even when she’s sleeping.

Mackenzie is feeding well. She’s up every two to three hours for her feedings, and of course she poops in between. I love every minute of her beautiful little smile. And then I think how long I still need to wait for you and I want to cry. I miss you so much. I’m taking plenty of pictures and my father even bought a new camera to record Mackenzie so that you can watch her first smile, learn how to say Mama and Dada, sit, crawl, and walk. I can’t wait for your return.

Her christening is next weekend. I’ve asked Carter and Molly to do the honors. I think you’d approve. They’ve both been so supportive. As soon as she’s back home for the summer, Molly said that she wants to spend as much time with her as possible.

Got to go. Mackenzie’s feeding time.

Love you,

Jo

Now I understoodwhat Nick meant by days blending in with the nights, because that’s how it was for me. I also understood why the baby had been active at night, trying to keep me up – because she was trying to prepare me for motherhood. Today, my father took Mackenzie out for a walk to see Betsy and her new calf that was born the same day she was. I pumped enough milk for the walk, dressed Mackenzie, and sent them off. Once I hit that couch, my eyes shut and I passed out into deep sleep. I didn’t get up until I heard Mackenzie’s cute giggle and picked my head up.

“Oh, we woke up Mama,” my father said to her.

“You’re back already?”

“We’ve been gone for two hours, honey.”

Why did it feel like I only slept for minutes?

“Look who we found wandering around.” My father stepped out of the way to reveal Carter standing behind him.

“Uncle Carter to the rescue!” He pulled out a plush cow toy from behind his back.

“Carter, you have to stop buying her toys.”

“Well, when I saw this cow one and realized thatmy niecedidn’t have a stuffed cow yet, I couldn’t resist. And Molly helped me pick it.”

Molly peeked from behind as well, waving, and then came running to my side.

“You’re back?”

“Yes, for the summer. I missed you.” She hugged me. “And Mackenzie’s gotten so big. How are you doing?”

“I’m in love with that girl.”

“As you should be. And how are you feeling?”

“A little tired, but it gets better every day.”

“I’d love to watch her sometimes during the summer. Maybe we can take her for a walk too?” She looked back at Carter, who appeared to be lost for words until my father elbowed him in the side.

“Ahm, yes. Mackenzie loves spending time with her uncle.”

Carter was still at that proud stage of letting everyone know that he had earned the title of uncle the day he delivered her. I wondered how close he and Molly had gotten while I’d been busy with the baby. When I saw the two of them together, I felt my heart squeeze. I missed Nick so much. This was supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life, and it was, but I couldn’t completely let go of the fact that I was missing Nick with all my soul. And he was missing out on so much.

“Anytime you guys want, just come over.”

Carter and Molly kept their word for the entire summer. They both helped me out as often as they could, and with more sleep and a new schedule of a mother with a newborn, I was beginning to feel like myself again, as if I could actually do this until the day Nick returned.

Dear Nicholas,

Mackenzie is growing up so fast. Her first birthday is in a week, and a few months after that, you’ll be back home. I’m baking her a cow-shaped cake. Her room now is full of cow toys, because Carter won’t stop buying them.

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