Page 93 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

Dear Nicholas,

My pants ripped today. Split in two right over my ass when I was having dinner with Molly and Carter. Molly visited for Christmas and our two friends have become closer, but Carter is still hesitating over how to move the relationship forward. I think he’ll get the hang of it soon. He won’t say so, but I have a feeling he’s just making excuses because he’s still missing Daisy.

Every day I wonder whether you’ll get my letters. Sometimes I cry at night, thinking how unfair life is, because you’re away. Then I suck it up and think that it could be worse, right? I mean, you’re fighting for us, for our safety and freedom. Still, I will not lose hope that you will be here in three months. That by some miracle you’ll get my letters.

I promised Molly that she could be with me for the birth. It will be good for her nurse training, and I’ll have someone close with me in the room. Marge volunteered as well. She’s been knitting a blanket for fifteen minutes each morning. Your mom has been in good spirits, but I see the worry on her face draw new lines underneath her eyes the more time passes.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love always,

Joelle

Dear Nicholas,

It’s getting more difficult to sleep. The baby likes to stay up late at night. It pressed its foot against my belly today, and I could see the outline. It was beautiful. I took a picture for you to see when you come back. I’ve been taking lots of pictures of my belly. Sometimes I feel like I want to keep it inside of me forever to keep it safe from the outside world. Then I realize that’s impossible, and I’m grateful that her or his father is doing a great job of keeping us safe.

Betsy’s pregnant as well. She’ll be due around the same time that I am. I think it happened when we saw the bull mount her when we went to the lake. It’s possible that’s when it happened to us as well, when the condom broke, but since we had sex every other day, it’s difficult to pinpoint. Carter’s been visiting her each day on his way to the fire station. I’m getting a lot of pregnancy advice and baby advice from all the customers.

The wedding I catered went very well, and the cake was a hit. All my business cards were gone by the end of the night, and I already received a half dozen new orders. I think the next few months will be busy ones as I get ready for the birth and the weddings.

Miss you with all that I am.

Yours,

Joelle

Dear Nicholas,

I want to stay strong, but it’s not easy. I have one month left before the birth and haven’t heard from you. I know you would have written if you could, which makes it that much more difficult. After all, it means that you don’t even know about the beautiful miracle we’ll soon have. I pray that I’ll close my eyes and when I open them again, you’ll be here. I wish you’d never left. I’m sorry to be so selfish right now, but I’ve never needed you as much as I do now. I’m hurting on the inside. I don’t want to, because I need to stay strong for the baby, but what else can I do? Whom else can I speak to, to reach you?

I can’t climb up the ladder to the rooftop any more. It’s not safe. It’s another piece of you that I’ve lost, and if what you said was true before you left, if your deployment will in fact take two years, then I’m afraid you’ll miss our baby’s first fifteen months. He or she will be walking by then.

We turned the guest room into a nursery. With the money I’ve been making with online sales, I was able to buy everything for the baby on my own. I feel proud. I know you would too. I wish you could be here. I’m praying for your safe return. I’m praying that we’ll soon be together.

Forever yours,

Joelle

Chapter 22

“Good morning, sunshine. How is my grandchild doing?” my father asked.

“Good morning, and your grandchild kept me awake most of the night.” I smoothed my hand over my stomach, where the baby was now sound asleep. At night, I felt a few pains. I’d read about Braxton-whatever contractions, and I was pretty sure that those were it.

“It’s just making you used to getting up at night to feed it.” Marge smiled and kissed my cheek. “You look different today, Joelle. Like you’re ready for this.”

“No, no. I want to hold it in.”

“I’m afraid when it’s time, you won’t be able to hold it in. Jo, I know that Nick would have been here if he got your letters. You need to get ready to do this on your own. But we are here for you, Jo. For whatever you need.” Marge squeezed my hand.

“I know. I think I’ve accepted that. It’s just bad timing all around.”

“There’s never bad timing to have a miracle. And a baby is a miracle,” my father said. “Don’t let anything distract you from that.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so selfish. We’ll do what we have to do.”

Although I still held out hope that Nick would suddenly return, inside I had come to terms that he would not be here for the birth, or the first year and a half of our baby’s life. It wouldn’t hurt the baby, would it? After all, a lot of other families were probably going through the same thing I was. And while I would have preferred for Nick to experience all the firsts our baby would accomplish, at least he would be back some day, and time should fly by much quicker with a newborn. I made a note to record all the baby’s firsts and take lots of pictures for Nick. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he’d missed too much.

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