Page 77 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

“My training went better than I thought. They have a special program for people like me that’s integrated with work and missions. I’ll be deployed on a special project.”

“What do you mean, people like you?”

“Someone who can study others, switch character, and adapt.”

I remembered how smoothly Nick had swayed our parents’ attention earlier in the day.

“I caught a sergeant’s eye, and he handpicked me for this, along with a couple of other guys. I shouldn’t even be telling you this because it’s top secret, but I don’t know how else to explain it, and there’s no fucking way that I’ll lie to you, Jo.”

“Two years?” I felt the swell in my eyes increase. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to cry.

“I’ll finish the remaining training required for the mission in the first three months, which means I’ll be deployed the rest of time.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“I don’t know, but when I complete it, I’ll have six months off. From then on, the missions won’t be longer than six months at a time.”

“I don’t know if I can survive with just writing letters.”

“That’s another thing I want to talk to you about. I don’t know where I’ll be stationed until we get there.”

“But you can write me and tell me where you are, right?”

He shook his head and I jumped off his body.

“Nick! No contact at all? Seriously?” My sobs stopped as fast as they had begun because this was hurting too much. I could feel the anger overwhelm my body. I couldn’t believe this was happening again, and that it would be much worse this time.

“I can’t say no to this, Jo. It’s for the betterment of our future. I won’t have to be deployed every few months for long periods of time. I may even be able to work from home, and maybe travel for a few weeks only. I don’t want to be away from you and from my family for long periods of time, Jo. I want to be here with you and our future children. I don’t want to miss birthdays and graduations. This way I’ll still get to do something that matters and still have those who matter the most in my life.”

I selfishly wondered whether I did truly matter the most. Didn’t he realize that he could have been a firefighter or even a damn baker, and be close to me? I felt like he was abandoning me — us.

I was walking away from him. I never thought I would, but I was so angry now. Our intimate relationship was just beginning to grow. I was starting to get to know this new man that had come back into my life, whom I loved more than my own life, and he would leave me again.

“Jo, wait up.”

He caught up to me and turned me around. Shivers covered my body, but it wasn’t from cold. I had a bad feeling about this. My stomach was swirling with so much emotion, I couldn’t understand it all. My intuition told me not to let him go, but I knew that I couldn’t stop him from doing something he loved and believed in because I wouldn’t want him to stop me from achieving my dreams either. I tried before and it didn’t work.

“Baby, I love you. Two years will fly by, and before you know it, I’ll be back and we’ll be ready to start our lives, maybe think about having a family of our own. I’ll look for a house near our parents, so that we’re close to our family, and our kids will be able to run to their grandparents’ without us worrying. In fact, I already have something in mind.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I was planning to show you in a couple of days.”

He was making our future sound so perfect; why was I having such a difficult time with his decision? Because what he was saying was way in the future. It meant that he had to complete a secret mission first, and I’d have no contact with him.

I leaned my head against his chest and he wrapped me into his body. We were standing knee deep in the water, and my tears mixed with the drops flowing down my hair.

“I just love you so much, Nick. It’s the danger of your mission that I’m worried about.”

“Would it help if I told you that I’m good at what I do?”

“I have no doubt about that.”

“There’s nothing that will keep me from coming back to you, Jo. Nothing.”

“Do you promise?” I looked up into his green eyes. They said the same thing that he was saying – that he’d be back.

“I promise.” He lowered his mouth to mine, sealing my lips with a passionate kiss. “Let’s get out of the water before you get sick.”

---