Page 59 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

“Thanks, but not yet.”

“How is the firehouse?” I asked. “I heard you finished your training.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to apply?”

“Probably, but not yet.”

“Well, I’m sure they could use your help this cold spring. There’ve been a lot of power outages.”

“Daisy was pregnant.”

“What?”

“She was pregnant. We were going to have a baby.”

“Carter, I’m so sorry.” I removed my mitten and reached for his cold hand, covering it with mine. “I didn’t know.”

“I’d have been a father in a month. Can you believe that? Me, a father?”

“Of course I can. You’re a wonderful man.”

“What kind of a man lets his girl die?”

“This wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have been with her. Holding her hand. I’d never have let the tornado snatch her.”

“Sometimes things happen that we can’t understand, but you can’t blame yourself.”

“It’s not easy.”

“I know, but you’ll get through this, Carter. You have to.”

“What’s the point?” He turned his head toward me. His light brown eyes appeared so dark I wondered whether they’d changed color. And then he looked down again. That connection I’d been wanting to make with him was gone.

“I’m here for you, Carter. If you ever want to talk, or do something to get out of here and clear your mind, I’m game.”

“Thank you. I just haven’t been ready.” He lifted his head once more and met my gaze. The sadness in his eyes tore at my heart so hard that my chest ached. I turned my body toward him and he leaned in, resting his head on my shoulder. His body slowly slid down until his head was on my lap. He lifted his legs up to the bench, and sighed.

“Have you talked to anyone else about it?” I asked.

He shook his head but kept it on my legs. I drew my fingers through his hair, combing it gently, pressing the tips of my fingers to his scalp. He closed his eyes. I wasn’t sure how long we sat like that, but I wouldn’t move for as long as Carter needed me. When he finally pulled away and sat up, a fraction of that pain I’d seen earlier in his eyes was gone.

“I’m sorry, Jo. I don’t like being a fucking wuss.” He pulled his fingers through his hair. It had grown longer since the last time I’d seen him, and while I would have normally suggested a haircut, the style suited him. It reminded me of Nick’s before he’d cut it. Besides, it would have been rude, especially at this difficult time.

“You’re not. You’re human and you’re hurting. You need someone to talk to, Carter. I’d like to be that person if that’s okay with you. I mean, I loved Daisy too. She was my best friend.”

“I know. It just feels like I not only lost a part of my life, but also part of me disappeared.”

“Can I come over for tea sometime?”

“Sure, but I moved out of my parents’ place.”

“You did? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I haven’t really told anyone. And I know you’ve been busy at the bakery.”

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