Page 48 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

To say that I miss you would be blasphemy. Not a second passes that you’re not on my mind. You fill my days and nights, motivate me to pull through the torturous minutes and hours of training, and remind me of what I need to do. You give me strength I didn’t know I had.

I have to be honest, I don’t know how often I can write to you, but I will every time I can. I wish I could say that I was counting the days to my return, but everything here blends into one continuous string of time and it’s hard to tell the days from the nights. Sleep is a luxury I don’t always have. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been gone until I look at the calendar. That only makes me crave you even more. When I lie down in my bunk, I look out the window and see the night sky, yours and mine, and I wonder whether you’re on your rooftop. Hoping to connect with you on some level, I pretend that you are watching the same stars I am.

The rigorous physical activities are hard. They push you to your breaking point until your mind starts playing with you and hallucinations begin to be a part of your life, but I’m soaking it all in. I don’t want to turn around in eleven months and think that they’ve been a waste. I can already feel that I’m changing. Little things don’t matter. Only you do, our future and safety. I am now more determined than ever to make this world a better place for us to live in, I promise.

The most painful and difficult part by far is being away from you. I miss your sweet lips and your body. I miss everything about you, but knowing that I’ll come out stronger for the both of us is worth it.

Please say hello to our friends, your dad, and give my mom a kiss. I’ll try to write soon. I love you, Joelle.

Forever yours,

Nick

I used my other sleeve to wipe my eyes again. It would take some time before I could read a letter from Nick without crying. I quickly got a pen and paper and sat by my desk, trying to think of what I wanted to say to him. The words came all on their own.

Dear Nick,

I won’t lie, it’s not the same here without you. When you left, I felt like I lost my best friend. My days are long and nights even longer. I try to keep busy at the bakery, both yours and mine. Still, I feel lost more often than I care to think. I’m not sure what to do with myself. Carter and Daisy stopped by today to invite me to a barn dance next weekend. The firehouse is raising money for new equipment. As much as I don’t feel like being there, to me, it’s another few hours without you that I hope will pass more quickly.

I thought about going to the butcher so that he’d let me chop up some meat when I get frustrated, but he said that knives and a lost mind don’t mix. So instead I beat the dough in the morning as if it were a punching bag. I hope I can find my mind again soon, because right now, all that I’m capable of doing is living through the memories of the two of us. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to study with you so far away.

Even if I’d rather you stayed home, I want you to know that I’m proud of you, Nick. I go to the rooftop and think about you every night the weather allows and I watch the stars – the same ones you do.

Wish you were here. I miss you with everything that I am.

Yours always,

Joelle

Ikissed the letter, sealed it, and addressed it to the APO address on the envelope I’d received from Nick. I must have jogged to the post office and back at record speed. By the time I returned home, my father was closing up the store.

“That was fast,” he said.

I couldn’t stop smiling.

“You know, today was the first day that I thought I could live through this year without Nick.”

“That’s good, honey. And once you’re back at school full time, the year will pass even faster.”

I took a cloth, soaked it in running water, and began wiping down the counters.

“Dad, how did you know what you wanted to do?” I pushed my arm in a circular motion.

“I didn’t. I took over my father’s business, which had been there for a couple of generations.”

“So you didn’t have a choice?”

“I didn’t think about it that way. I had an opportunity, and I took it.”

“Oh.”

“Why are you asking, sweetheart?”

“I’m not sure about college.”

“Where’s this coming from? Don’t you still want to be a teacher?”

“I don’t know. I think I made the decision to go because Daisy did the same, and I… I’m just not sure it’s my thing. Actually, I’m not quite sure what my thing is. Would you be upset if I didn’t go yet? I don’t want to waste a year on something I’m not sure about. I’d rather do what I enjoy.”

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