Page 35 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

“Nick is almost an adult. I can’t make these decisions for him.”

“But you’re his mother. You’re supposed to keep him safe. Do you want him to die?

“Of course not. Sweetheart, I know it’s hard to understand, but if he’s anything like his father, which he is, he’ll do this – and neither I nor you will be able to talk him out of it.”

That was when Nick opened the front door. “You’re playing tattletale? Seriously?”

“No, I’m making decisions that will help me keep you here.”

“You can’t keep me here, Jo.”

That felt like a stab straight into my heart. Everyone was against me today. My only chance to keep him home, his mom, was slipping away from me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I felt like the world was closing in on me too quickly. I whipped my body around and headed for my house, bolting through the door.

“Joelle?” my father asked, but I couldn’t stop to talk to him. I couldn’t take another person telling me that they wouldn’t do anything to stop Nick from leaving.

“I need to be alone,” I said, and ran upstairs. I shut the curtains so that Nick couldn’t see me through the window, making sure that I locked it as well. But instead of heading for his own bedroom, Nick came to mine. I could feel his presence. I pushed my face deeper into the pillow, burying it there. The edge of my bed dipped as Nick sat down. He remained quiet for a while before scooting next to my body, twisting it on its side so that he could spoon me.

“Jo, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into my ear, his lips grazing gently against the outer cartilage. “Hurting you was the last thing I wanted, but I need you to be okay with this.”

“Leave me alone.” I pushed his hand away.

“I will, but not now.”

That’s right, in a month’s time he would be gone, and I’d stay behind, on my own.

“I’m never going to be okay with you leaving.”

He smoothed his hand over my shoulder, then kissed it gently. “I know it won’t be easy, but when I come back—”

“If you come back.”

“No, Jo.WhenI come back, I’ll be a better man. My mother always told me that my father came back from the military a changed man. A better man. That’s who I want to be — a better man.”

I turned around on the bed to face him. “But you’re already a good man, Nick. You’re the best man I have ever known, and I can’t imagine my life without you. Not now, and not ever.”

“Jo, if I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

I shut my eyes, trying to stop the waterfall of tears. Maybe if he saw how much I was hurting, he’d change his mind. My irritation with him and this decision he was about to make was stabbing me right in the middle of my heart. Couldn’t he see that?

“It should be the other way around. You should regret leaving me for the rest of your life.”

“But I’m not leaving you. People do long distance relationships all the time. There are families with children that wait for their father or mother—”

“And how many of them don’t make it home?”

“Jo, I will come back for you. I always will. You deserve the best, Jo.”

“I just want you.”

My tears were falling freely; I couldn’t stop crying. He managed to get one of his arms underneath me and pulled me closer to him. I leaned my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. This could be one of the last few times I heard it. I prayed that it wasn’t.

“I’m scared that you’ll die.”

“It’s only training.”

“But after—”

“We don’t have to think about the after just yet. We don’t have to think about it for a while, but it would make my training a lot easier if I knew that you were okay back home, waiting for me.”

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